Granger Verse
by jeanne.summers
Summary: Hermione-centric one shots featuring a range of ideas, tropes, characters and genres. Chapter 1: Table of contents. NEW CHAPTER: chptr 15:Warning: EXTREME CRACK! In order to save the world Harry and Hermione travel back in time, but they miscalculate and land a little early, and get distracted by really shiny crazy plots, plans and shenanigans. (The gods must be crazy Verse)
1. Table of Contents

**Granger Verse**

Table of contents

For those of you who want to know more about what you're getting into or to find a particular verse (notices and teminology at bottom)

* * *

**Chapter 1**

This chapter/table of contents

**Chapter 2**

Otter of the Ring Verse  
Lord of the Rings CrossOver  
How idiocy got so stupid/Princess the otter and her ranger Strider  
Word count 1,889:  
Back story on how the verse began/ Hermione is stuck as an otter and stumbles into the camp of a 'sleeping' Strider after fleeing from a beast.

**Chapter 3**

Temporarily Terminated  
Terminator series CrossOver  
Word Count 883:  
Hermione makes her last stand against Skynet and uses a magical time travelling method to try and change the fate that John Conner just couldn't stop, even if she can only make 'alternate arrangements.'

**Chapter 4**

Loop Verse  
Do over (again and again and again) fic  
Word count 661:  
Loop 1: Hermione may be the smartest witch of her age but sometimes a more advanced perspective is hindering.

**Chapter 5**

Cringe Verse  
Super!Harry Parody fic  
Supa Unamused  
Word count 462:  
Harry has had enough of all the lies and manipulations and throws of the shackles of… something; Hermione isn't quite sure what he's talking about but she is not amused and frankly rather concerned.

**Chapter 6**

Determination Verse  
Hermione Disability verse  
Truth and trust  
Word count 1,384:  
Hermione may not be as smart as everyone thinks, but she won't let a little thing like a learning disability stop her from being the best.  
Now that several of her teacher know, that goal maybe a little closer and easier to reach.

**Chapter 7**

Death Challenge verse  
Response to challenge by Reptilia28  
Death Challange  
Word count 10,895:  
Harry has died several (dozen) times, Destiny Repair Officer Ashley is at wits end. Thankfully the problem with Harry's destiny looks to be an easy fix: a Chaos agent took the soul of Hermione Jane Granger and Swapped it with Hermione Jean Granger ( the Hermione from another reality) prior to Hogwarts, Ashley just has to put the right Hermione back and things should go smoothly.  
To be on the safe side though She's going to let them both keep their memories.  
Pity Harry disliked Hermione Jean and is mentally unbalanced in a slightly homocidal way.  
Hermione Jane isn't much better.

**Chapeter 8**

Prayer verse  
Post BoH pre Epilogue  
Angst and a Prayer  
Word count 1,000:  
Hermione prays, Ginny is angry, two young women have words after the fighting stops.

**Chapter 9**

Codename Verse (Hunter ARC)  
First year/XO Supernatural canon verse  
Codename: Hunter 0001  
Word count 497:  
Hermione mentions all the time in the books that her parents are Dentists; we never see them though, never really learn about them. This is because 'Dentist' is a codeword and Hermione's parent's don't actually work in oral health care...  
Hermione's parents are monster hunters, Erik Kripke style Hunters, and a mountain troll just picked the wrong girl's toilets to lumber into.

**Chapter 10**

Blue Ice Verse  
Alternate 1st year  
Homework Harassment  
word count 1,000:  
Hermione can't find a potions assignment during class even though she had it in her bag earlier in the day. Snape looms, Weasleys are gits, Hermione's recall is superior and Daphne Greengrass saves the day.

**Chapter 11**

Valley of the Shadow Verse  
Alternate PoA rescue  
Death is a Painful Rebirth  
Word count 2,366:  
**WARNING: RELIGIOUS BLASPHEMY...**  
**SORT OF...**  
Hermione takes longer to reach Harry by the lake, Harry figures out the Patronus thing faster. Hermione is caught outside the field of Harry's magic by Dementors.  
Not everyone will survive to regret it in the morning.

**Chapter 12**

Blue Ice Verse  
Post Homework Harassment(chptr10)  
Division  
Word count 1,481:  
Dumbledore refuses to deal with the events of Homework Harassment (chapter ten) so Minerva and Severus take matters into their own hands and alter the system.  
this chapter is Hermione lite, focuses on the new potions class set up.

**Chapter 13**

Cringe Verse  
Post Supa Unamused (chptr 5)  
Sally Anne Perks must DIE  
Word count 1,164:  
**Warning: Homophobic slur, Degradation and abuse of the English Language.**  
Ginny and Hermione team up to save Hogwarts from a danger it doesn't even realise is there: Sally Anne Perks:Mary Sue!

**Chapter 14**

Galahad Verse  
Hermione and the Goblet of 'Shut up and do what I tell you'  
Word count 5,602:  
**Warning: mild coarse language, mild racism, classism and sexism.**  
When Hermione warns the twins their aging potions won't work, they use the old 'well if you're so smart' challenge; Hermione's year devolves from there.

**Chapter 15**

The gods must be CRAZY verse  
All the chapters  
word count 10,149:**  
Warning:EXTREME CRACK!  
**In order to save the world Harry and Hermione travel back in time, but they miscalculate and land a little early, and get distracted by really shiny crazy plots, plans and shenanigans.

**Verse Terminology and Notices:**

In 'Characters' I use the tag 'Hogwarts Cast (as Background)' this just means the presence of the canon cast are mentioned or implied to be present, or there's to many to name by name.

As of Chapter **9** I've been using the term ARC, this just refers to a variation of a preset verse such as the CODENAME verse and the APOCALYPSE SURVIVAL LIST verse.

Reviews: they are not a crime but I should note 'you suck' is not constructive criticism, which is appreciated.

Adoption: if you want it it's yours just tell me first I don't mind multiple adoptions or cannibalisation of my verses.

Betas: I have none, if you see an error (grammatical, punctuation, spleling) please feel free to tell me.


	2. Otter of The Ring

Granger Verse | Jeanne Collection | Otter of the Ring

Reality: HP au after Battle of Hogwarts, LOTR XO

Main Characters: (HP) Hermione, (LOTR) Aragon (as Strider)

Pairings: N/A

Bashing: N/A

Warnings: My typos and spleling/ lack of beta, I was dehydrated and under a mountain of plot bunnies when I wrote this, I only kind of regret this.

Adoptability: Full, just drop me a line first so there's no 'oh my god someone stole this/you stole this' where I then have to go wait what,' and instead can go 'it's not stole, it's adopted, read the authors notes more.'

* * *

How idiocy got so stupid

* * *

This was without a doubt the stupidest thing to ever happen to Hermione. She'd fought in the Second Great Riddle War, danced toe to toe with Bellatrix LeStrange, suffered at the bitch's wand and come out stronger then should have been possible, and she'd laid waste to the 'army of darkness' with a wand, a bow and a pair of short swords.

Lots to be said for dentist parents who enjoyed re-enactment societies.

Still this was without a doubt the stupidest thing that had happened to Hermione, and that included that one time at Hogsmead.

During a lull in the fighting of the Battle of Hogwarts she and Ron had spoken of the future, or rather Ron had spoken at her of his idea of the future, an incredibly bleak future of housework and baby factory imitation on Hermione's part.

Hermione was a genius, certifiable, with a masters and a doctorate to her name in the muggle world, in the _real_ world, like hell was she going to turn into the Second Coming of Molly Weasley.

It was perhaps not very noble of her, but once the fighting had stopped and the 'Light' had won Hermione had disappeared back to the Real world, left the Wizards to clean up their mess, she'd done more than enough, given and sacrificed more than enough.

She'd returned only once to the wizarding society to leave Harry a message on her tombstone:

"Do not stand at my grave and weep,  
I am not there, I do not sleep.  
I am a thousand winds that blow,  
I am the softly falling snow.  
I am the gentle showers of rain,  
I am the fields of ripening grain.  
I am in the morning hush,  
I am in the graceful rush  
Of beautiful birds in circling flight.  
I am the starshine of the night.  
I am in the flowers that bloom,  
I am in a quiet room.  
I am in the birds that sing,  
I am in each lovely thing.  
Do not stand at my grave and cry,  
I am not there — I do not die."

It was a bereavment poem by Mary Elizabeth Frye she'd once recited to Harry during their Horcrux hunt. She hoped it would bring him peace over her 'death'.

Then she'd delved into her nest eggs carefully secured around Britain, the ones she'd not been able to access during the hunt, and set up a small three story shop in London. Though the store itself was restricted to the first two floors, her apartment taking the uppermost, and her research into magic taking place in the basement.

It was a speciality store selling charms and talismans, odds and ends for wiccans and an assortment of informative books disguised as fictional adventures set in far off fantasy lands. Naturally the charms and talismans were all in fact lightly enchanted, just enough to influence things – the fertility and memory recall were the most powerful of the charms – nothing carried enough magic to be picked up by ministry radar though.

In the four years since the 'end' of the war Hermione had made a good life for herself, her shop was highly successful and doing well, her research into magic was going at light speed with no signs of slowing – she was now most likely the fore most expert on the nature of magic in Europe – and her off the books work was helping so many people.

A truth that the ministry had ignored, when not actively covering it up, was just how often the real world and the magical world met, far too often for Aurors to obliviate and take care of every single case, so some went by unchecked, the non-magicals suffering in some cases.

Ghosts that had gone crazy, rabid werewolves and vengeful vampires, curses gone astray that had attached to unsuspecting citizens.

Hermione's two shop assistants helped on occasion, two 'squibs' born to non-magical parents. Hermione had employed them before slowly 'letting slip' hints and clues about the truth of magic, leading them to 'discover' her secret. They'd begged her to teach them, so she had, training them in the real arts of magic, the older arts that required no wand, only Knowledge, Reverence and the subtle magic that 'squibs' possessed.

Maybe that had been what attracted the newly of age Hogwarts students to her store, her name was well known in 'muggle magical circles,' it was possible it had made its way in rumours back to the magical world and the teenagers had come to see.

They were arrogant purebloods from 'light' families, self-assured walking around like the cocks were too big from their breaches. Typical Wizard Born Behaviour.

They'd come to test her 'muggle magic' and cause a scene; prove their superiority like the fearful cowards they were. A fight had ensued of course, Hermione had done more interpersonnel damage, the wizards had wrecked her entire shop trying to hit her, the elder witch was only thankful not all of her work and research was on site and her two apprentices were out cleansing a house of a growing poltergeist.

Then something really vexing happened, the mass amounts of magics in the store interacted badly, the sense of danger was immediate and absolute, not even the idiot teens could miss it, being closer than her to the door they bolted, apperating the second they were across the wards.

Hermione didn't have that option, she was trapped by debris deep inside the shop, instead she transformed into her animagus form and dashed through the debris to the nearest broken window.

She just wasn't fast enough.

The magic exploded, gutting the building and blowing the roof open, the walls remained in place thanks to her warding skills. Hermione the Otter screamed as the magic tore her apart molecule by molecule, aware of every instant; without warning she was surrounded by water and rolling up onto a shore in a forest.

Not that she noticed for several hours as she was in a deeply traumatised state.

By the time her mind had begun to work again night was beginning to fall and Hermione was shocked to find she did not recognise the constellations strung across the heavens.

The she got to the real problem, her magic was not working... at all.

She couldn't light a fire to keep warm, she couldn't conjure a shelter, she couldn't even change her form back to human.

Stuck in an unidentifiable foreign forest as an otter because wizarding hubris was ingrained in the inbred little wankers was definitely the stupidest thing that had ever happened to her she decided.

Then she was attacked.

* * *

Princess the otter and her ranger Strider.

* * *

The beast was several times larger than Hermione's otter form, most predators were, so she knew she was at a disadvantage from the get go, thankfully otters were surprisingly adaptable creatures with nimble hand like paws, pouncing away from the claws of the beast Hermione scrabbled about the shore for a sharp stone or broken shell.

She found one, a scallop shell with a jagged edge. With her smaller, nimbler body Hermione managed to keep out of the way of the beast's jaws and scramble onto its back, hacking at it with the shell, it wasn't going to do much damage but it was enough to make the creature hesitate. Hermione took the brief respite to dash into the water, swimming quickly to the far side of the stream she turned to glance back at the beast and almost shrieked when she saw it swimming across the river toward her.

The witch turned otter took off as quickly as her short legs could carrier her, weaving through the underbrush and over large tree roots, finally she spotted a tree with a gnarled trunk, one she could climb easily, she hastened up into the branches, tiny heart beating with fear as the sound of the beast crashing along behind her met her ears.

Calculating the distances in her head between the branches of the various trees Hermione put her scallop shell in her mouth and leapt to the branch of a nearby tree, claws digging and scratching at the bark trying to get a proper grip before she could scurry to the next branch and leap to the next tree.

It was an hour of tree jumping before Hermione could no longer hear the beast, no doubt gone in search of easier prey; she continued on a while longer just to be certain she'd ditched the beast hoping she wasn't heading back towards it.

She didn't think she was but Hermione was somewhat disorientated so she couldn't be sure.

In the end she only stopped running and came down from the trees because she smelled smoke.

Smoke in a forest meant one of two things: People or forest fire. Given the lack of panicking animals Hermione was inclined to go with the first one.

It was a small one person camp, the owner of which was a dirty, scruffy looking man she estimated to be in his thirties to forties, as long as he was a non-magical at least. He wore a cloak made of natural fibres wrapped around him like a blanket with the hood up so Hermione had to get very close to see his face. Leaving the man to sleep she decided to investigate his pack which lay close by his side.

She devoured a small portion of the smoked fish in his rations and used one of his bowls to hold drinking water from his canteen, which was full when she started so she didn't feel too bad about drinking some.

Once finished with the food and drink she put the things back in the bag, keeping only a rag sized piece of material which was similar to the man's cloak, wrapping it about her shoulders she wedged herself between the man and his pack where it was warm and dry and, surprisingly given his dirty state, not actually smelly, all the while unaware of the bright eyes watching her from beneath the hood.

Strider was unsure what to make of the small creature – an otter if he wasn't mistaken, at least in appearance. The animal, if that's what it was, had ambled into camp with quiet, labouring breaths given him the once over and pilfered his bag, truly surprising was the use of a bowl, the little beast had actually poured water from his canteen into the bowl and drunk from the dish since lifting the canteen up to its head seemed too difficult, no doubt a weight issue combined with the cumbersome size and shape of the canteen.

Strider might have been amused if there wasn't such a good chance the creature was a spy of Sauron. The Ranger had received word from Gandalf the armies of the dark were on the move and the wizard had requested his presence in the small village of Brie. Perhaps he should catch the otter and take it to Gandalf for inspection. He was musing the best way to ensnare the beast when it repacked his bag and curled up in the remains of his last cloak, comfy as you please by his side.

'Well,' he thought, 'that may solve that issue.' and he allowed himself to doze lightly.

* * *

I'm only a little sorry for this...


	3. Temporarily Terminated

Granger Verse | Jeanne Collection | Temporarily Terminated

Reality: AU HP Main Verse, Terminator XO

Main Characters: (HP) Hermione, (Trmntr) John Connor, OCs of little(no) import, Skynet

Pairings: N/A

Bashing: N/A

Warnings: My typos and spleling/ lack of beta.

Adoptability: Full, just drop me a line first so there's no 'oh my god someone stole this/you stole this' where I then have to go wait what,' and instead can go 'it's not stole, it's adopted, read the authors notes more.'

* * *

Epilogue of the prelude

* * *

The base was small, a crude lean too against the side of a cliff in a desert which had once been lush green land.

A dry breeze sent swaying loose cloth and cooled the humans only a single, negligible degree. John Conner, hero of the rebellion, sat against a rocky wall checking his gun for the fight ahead. A quarter of a foot away sat one of his three fellow fighters, a British woman with odd amber eyes.

"John," she spoke low, just loud enough for him to hear, her foreign accent a faint lilt, almost gone after so many years away from others of her homeland. "Do you really believe what you said the other day? 'This war is inevitable, judgement day can be delayed but it will come.' do you truly completely believe it?" He sighed quietly.

"Yes. Humanity has tried to change this fate and always, we ended up here anyway, this is unavoidable." He waited for her to say something else, she merely nodded and checked her own weapon.

Hours later as the others dozed she sat on watch, waiting for the point when they were all at their deepest sleep. Moving noiselessly she left her weapons on the ground by John's foot. She would not need them where she was going. Nor would she need her canteen and medical supplies, she left those as well.

With a sad and determined gait she lapsed across the hot desert terrain, covering dozens of metres in a single step. It was impractical means of magical travel, only allowing you to go as far as you could clearly see, but it was silent and she wasn't going all that far.

She twisted the light around herself, warping the heat to hide all evidence of her presence. Pure Magical attacks might not work against the Machine but she could still use it to fool their sensors.

Undetected she slipped into the base, the cold chrome so different from the world outside.

Corridor after corridor, room after room she searched. She had to hurry she was running out of time. Quickly she bit back a hysterical laugh, after all she was always running out of time, even when she had all the time in the world. And wasn't that the point of this desertion: Time.

She found no humans on the base, no organic life at all, just machines and computers. At the centre of it all she dropped her disguise and erected a shield to alter the flight path of high velocity objects, one way naturally. In less than a second the computers detected her presence and sent soldiers to investigate, they tried shooting at her but the shield did its job well, several ricochets even took out ally units. They tried melee attacks and physical assaults but she simple lapsed from point to point about the room, two or three times she even lapsed to the ceiling. Finally the room was filled to capacity and she could sense more machines gathering close to her location.

"Stop!" Surprisingly her shout received a response as all units halted in place. "I wish to open the negotiations for surrender." on a wall a monitor flickered to life, her own face – colder, cleaner and more... fake somehow – appeared on the screen.

"We will not accept the surrender of the human species, you will explain how you are able to perform the manoeuvres and how you infiltrated this base and then you will be terminated along with the rest of humanity."

"So you're Skynet?" she asked the fake.

"That is correct."

"Skynet... I wasn't offering the surrender of humanity, I wish to negotiate for _your_ surrender."

"Illogical, my victory is assured."

"In that case," she slid one hand into a pocket and withdrew a small device. "I also wish, to blow us all to hell." The Machines seemed almost worried, for the fraction of an instant before she flipped the switch and detonated the pilfered power cells.

In less than a one hundredth of a second the runes carved on the inside of her skull were charged to full power and activated before they were destroyed as she, the machines, the base and almost three kilometres around it were vaporised.

Hidden beneath a rock ledge John Conner and the rest of the team who had been sent to destroy the base watched as the wind carried tonnes of dust and debris outwards from the mushroom shaped cloud. Clutched in one hand John held the note that he had found upon waking to discover the missing team mate.

"If this eventuality is inevitable in every variable then all that matters is what comes from the ashes, whether we rise as the Phoenix or fade like a memory of a dream.

Keep The Faith, Humanity _is_ strong enough.

Hermione Jane Granger."

At least now he knew her name.

* * *

Three decades and change prior.

* * *

Two dentists had woken in the middle of the night, their parental senses tingling. Slowly they'd crept downstairs to find the back door open, their young daughter standing barefoot and barely dressed on the back lawn just gazing at the stars.

"Hermione, sweetie what are you doing out here so late?"

"Creating options on the side, after all, we must prepare for certain inevitabilities mustn't we?"

* * *

Ummm... I watched the terminator movie with the NU Ensign Jailbait and HBC (Bellatrix)... for the first time... it's also the first time I've sat through an entire Terminator movie... ever, and then this happened... #hides#


	4. Loop 000,001

Granger Verse | Jeanne Collection | Loop Verse

Reality: Initial Canon compliance to battle of Hogwarts/Troll first year

Main Characters: (HP) Hermione, Harry, Ron, Hogwarts cast (as Background)

Pairings: N/A

Bashing: N/A (Hating on Ron, possible Hermione JEAN bashing)

Warnings: My typos and spleling/ lack of beta. CHARACTER DEATH (SORT OF)

Adoptability: Full, just drop me a line first so there's no 'oh my god someone stole this/you stole this' where I then have to go wait what,' and instead can go 'it's not stole, it's adopted, read the authors notes more.'

* * *

Hermione looked at Ron happily, it was finally over: the war was finally won.

Hermione mentally berated herself for doubting Ron, he'd come back, of course he had, just like he'd always done, why should it matter that whenever it started getting bumpy he'd leave, he was back.

He looked back at her with a smirk, he was cleaner than she was, he'd been inside keeping the younger students safe from any Death Eaters that got past the rest of them. He was so brave.

Hermione opened her mouth to tell Ron she was in love with him, because he was such a kind thoughtful man who'd always listened to her and acknowledged her worth, even in first year. Behind her in the battle field a Death Eater, not as dead as they'd thought raised himself up and cast his final spell.

Hermione's face went blank as she was struck by the killing curse, her body dropping to the ground-

She gasped deeply as she sat up in bed, her own bed at home were she'd lived her whole life.

"What?"

* * *

It had taken some time but Hermione had figured it out, she'd somehow wound up back in time in her eleven and a half year old body. She'd decided to go along with things, let events play out as they were meant too, although she planned to tell Ron how she felt much sooner, maybe when he asked her to the Yule Ball; how silly she'd been last time to go with Victor, she'd probably just been dazzled by his fame.

So towards that end she did everything as much the same as she had last time, tried to be nicer to Ronald this time around, how could she have been such a bitch to him all that time.

Still when Halloween had rolled round in their first year she'd still given into the impulse to help him with his levitation spell before he took his own eye out. He'd not taken it well.

Walking to her next class she heard him talking about her, saying what a nightmare and no it all she was, no wonder she had no friends.

He'd said that last time too, he didn't mean it, he was just embarrassed, he'd still come to her rescue when the troll attacked her. It didn't stop it from hurting though, and her tears when she ran off crying were completely real.

* * *

She'd spent the day in the girls bathrooms, crying mostly, trying to remind herself that Ron _was_ a nice person, really, he'd always been there for her, he had… hadn't he?

The troll had lumbered in, right on time, the door slammed shut and she screamed. Ron and Harry barged right back in and Harry proceeded to get the troll's attention. Ron stood in the door way, Hermione waited.

And waited. Why wasn't he doing anything? Harry was on the troll's neck keeping it away from her and Ron was _dithering_ near the door, why wasn't he levitating the troll's club?

The answer struck her just as the troll flung Harry from its neck - the young wizard hitting the wall with a sickening crack as his skull, and most of the bones in his body, fractured like a dropped egg - Ron wasn't doing anything because she hadn't told him what to do.

Ron backed up in the door way, urine soaking his trousers.

"Ron?" she called for him with a quiet, straining voice. He would help her, he had too. She never even saw the club swinging in her direction, she did however see Ron fleeing the scene as she drowned in her own blood, shattered ribs sliced smashed lings to pulp.

Her eyes fixed on Harry's corpse in the fading light.

Through pain and blood Hermione took her last gurgling breath and

She gasped deeply as she sat up in bed, her own bed at home were she'd lived her whole life.

"What?"

* * *

Trollollollolol…. Because sometimes I have trouble reconciling the characters from the first and last books and I just don't understand the 'good-ship'… wait what do they actually call that ship anyway….


	5. Supa Unamused

Granger Verse | Jeanne Collection | Cringe Verse

Reality: Parody of 'Astral Verse' and Super!Harry fics in general

Main Characters: (HP) Hermione, Harry, Ron, Neville, Ginny, Lavender, Hogwarts cast (as Background)

Pairings: N/A

Bashing: N/A (SUPA!Harry)

Warnings: My typos and spleling/ lack of beta. PARODY

Adoptability: Full, just drop me a line first so there's no 'oh my god someone stole this/you stole this' where I then have to go wait what,' and instead can go 'it's not stole, it's adopted, read the authors notes more.'

Cringe verse

* * *

"-and I know you're in on this too Hermione, so there's no point denying it."

Hermione looked up from her reading to look at Harry. For a moment she wished she was in on it, if only because then she'd know what _it_ was.

"So Ron, Hermione, I'm breaking off our friendships, Neville's going to be my best friend now because we're god-brothers – I just found out half an hour ago – and Ginny, you're my new girl Friday." Neville looked confused but didn't protest, Ginny squealed with fangirlish glee and Ron blustered loudly as Harry swept up to his dorm, his new companions a few beats behind.

Hermione's eyes darted around the room to see if anyone looked like they knew what was going on; the rest of the house seemed only slightly less confused by virtue of having heard _all_ of the rant.

"Hm," Hermione hummed and went back to her book, a rather interesting work on the matter transformation process observed during various transfiguration spells. She'd read it twice already and was considering asking Professor McGonagall if she'd supervise Hermione undertaking the observational experiments to self-verify the results.

One week later:

Hermione was tired, having spent her entire Sunday with McGonagall studying the atomic changes of matter during transfiguration; they'd noted some deviance from the previous test results mentioned in the book and had agreed to co-write a paper on their results, after further testing of course.

The young witch had just stepped through the portrait hole of the Gryffindor common room-

To see Harry at the centre of the room, Neville and Ginny next to him as he showed of his heavily laden hands, more specifically, the ridiculous number of rings on the fingers of his encumbered hands.

"I'm now the Heir to the Potter, Black, Perevell, Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff and Slytherin houses, as well as the heir of Merlin himself," Harry puffed his chest up proudly, "I now own Hogwarts and intend to prank Snape and Dumbledore until they resign, if you have a problem with that, take it up with my team of one hundred goblin lawyers."

"Why Dumbledore? I thought Voldemort was your enemy?" Lavender asked.

"Voldemort! Bah! I can defeat him easily now with my super god powers granted to my through the rings-"

-and turned on her heel exiting quickly before anyone noticed she'd returned.

Hermione fished the wire loop with her own rings from her pocket, removed the Hufflepuff ring she'd earned in the Badger's Trial, and slipped it on her finger, twisting it.

She'd sleep in the visitor's wing tonight. Maybe ask a house elf to send over her things.

… perhaps stay there till Harry's sanity returned from where ever the hell it was vacationing… Maybe Beaubaxton's was still accepting transfers.

* * *

I was reading a fic and it was saying 'this is not a super Harry fic' but it so totally was... then this happened.


	6. Truth and Trust

Granger Verse | Jeanne Collection | Determination Verse

Reality: slight AU of Canon Verse

Main Characters: (HP) Hermione, Flitwick, McGonagall, Pomfrey, Hogwarts cast (as background)

Pairings: N/A

Bashing: N/A

Warnings: My typos and spleling/ lack of beta. Learning disability.

Adoptability: Full, just drop me a line first so there's no 'oh my god someone stole this/you stole this' where I then have to go wait what,' and instead can go 'it's not stole, it's adopted, read the authors notes more.

* * *

Flitwick was on his way to have tea with Minerva when he heard noise coming from an empty class room. It sounded like an argument.

He changed course to investigate, as he got closer he realised it was one voice, having an argument with itself. Or ranting angrily. He wedged the door open quietly, inside was Hermione Granger, her robes swapped for muggle apparel, she swished her wand back and forth in a manner similar to the tail of an agitated cat.

The girl scrubbed at her scalp with her free hand, messing up her already messy hair, she was muttering to herself.

Then suddenly she stopped, turned to the front of the class and cast the charm her class would be learning later in the week, or rather she tried to. Her spell over powered and the desks blew up. When the debris stopped Filius saw the young witch laying prone on the cold floor, numerous cuts from the wooden shrapnel.

Anger filled the diminutive teacher and he levitated the Gryffindor and her bag to the hospital wing, and dispatched a house elf to Minerva to tell her what had happened.

* * *

Hermione came round with less pain than she expected, being that there was none though she recalled exploding desks. The room she was in was sterile smelling and clean looking.

When she turned her head she saw her Head of House, her Charms teachers and the school nurse watching her. They knew, her great shame and they knew.

"What were you thinking miss Granger, first the troll now this, I'm beginning to think you've a death wish." Minerva's face was pinched, her mouth in a tart line. "What were you doing?!" Her voice rose sharply though she tried not to yell."

"I was studying," Hermione answered truthfully.

"Studying? STUDYING! YOU ALMOST KILLED YOURSELF YOUNG LADY!"

Hermione tried not to cry, _oh god, oh god they're going to expel me, I was asking for it with the troll but now they'll, now they'll-_

"oh hush child I'm sorry but I was afraid for you, you're such a bright girl, I thought you'd know better, we supervise the learning of spells for a reason."

"I'm not though, I'm not bright, I have to spend hours non-stop to master even a simple spell."

"Your year mates don't master spells right away, you shouldn't be so hard on yourself."

"yes I do, I have to, I have to or I'll be no good, I have to spend forever studying or I won't remember it, I have to read the books and notes over and if I don't write something down right away as soon as I think of it I forget."

"I thought you said with the troll you felt you knew enough about them-"

"I LIED ABOUT THE TROLL! Oh god, I lied, I just, I froze and my wand and I didn't and Harry and Ron came and I told Ron what to do and he did it but I wouldn't have been there in the first place if he hadn't- and he's right, I've got no friends and I'm not pretty and brains is the only thing I've got but I won't have it if I don't _work_ at it." Hermione broke down crying, the three faculty members looked at one another.

Hermione was always so clever in class, always had the answer, always got the spell.

Now here she was saying she… wasn't, didn't, almost couldn't.

'Miss Granger, be that as it may, this behaviour is dangerous, I simply cannot allow you to continue this unsupervised behaviour."

"NO! Please professor I'll be more careful, I can be careful, this was a fluke, it doesn't happen very often honest."

"I'm sorry miss Granger but you will stop, in future if you wish to practice out of class you will enlist the supervision of a professor."

"But you're all so busy. And you can't say that when you don't, when you can't, and I need routine, it's easier if I have routine, I can't just… whenever." Hermione scrubbed at her eyes furiously.

"Miss Granger stop that, you'll hurt yourself," Pomfrey admonished.

"Sorry, it my contacts, they're itchy. I left my glasses in my dorm; I prefer not to wear them. Anymore."

"I'll send a house elf to fetch them," Poppy offered.

"Thank you, and my contact case please."

"Heavens child, your teacher's from your muggle school said you were a borderline genius, how did you get such good grades there if you're having such trouble here?" Minerva asked.

"It was easier there, I only had to learn the theory, and I had a tape recorder so I could say the facts out loud and listen to them over and over; my tape recorder doesn't work here properly so that's one less resource I have to rely on, and half of what I need to know it in another language.

"I mean I know a little bit of Latin and a fair amount of French and a bit of other languages but learning facts and things in them is different from speaking them in regular conversation."

The three adults were unsure what to say. They'd never had a student with… a 'learning disability' so profoundly brought to their attention before. The house elf popped back in with Hermione's glasses and her contact case. Hermione thanked the tiny creature and switched her eye wear over, not noticing the elf practically swoon at the praise before popping out. As she watched the sniffling girl a thought occurred to Poppy regarding the scans she'd run of the young witch when Filius had brought her in.

"Hermione, are you aware there are malformations in your brain?" Minerva and Filius looked startled, Hermione just nodded morosely.

"They're mostly the problem, it's scar tissue, I was hit by a drunk driver when I was six, the tissue is pressing on my memory and learning centres apparently. At least that's what the doctors said, and it's not like they can operate to get them out, they'd just make it worse."

"There's a treatment we could try, a magical aid, it will take years to completely erase the malformations but it would help." Hermione looked at Poppy with hope in her eyes.

"Really, oh madam Pomfrey that's wonderful…" A thought occurred to Hermione and just like that she deflated, "but it won't really help me now, will it, in the mean time I'll still be… be _stupid_." She started crying again. Minerva pulled herself up to full height.

"Miss Granger! You are a Gryffindor young lady, we have the courage to push through. And you are anything but stupid, you may have difficulties but you _can_ learn, you work at it and you reap the rewards. I'll help you while Poppy works on your brain, you may have my supervision for your transfiguration study, we'll even schedule it like an extra class, same time same days. I dare say Professor Sprout would be willing to do the same for herbology."

"I'm sure I could find some time for tutoring you in charms and, I have heard about professor Quirrel, I was a duelling champion back in the day, I know a thing or two about Defensive magic." Filius would gladly loose a few hours a week of spare time if it stopped a student from getting hurt again.

"Thank you, thank you, are you sure you've got the time for it though? And what about potions; professor Snape hates me, he strongly despises anyone from Gryffindor, he barely tolerates his own house."

"Apparently you're unaware Miss Granger," Poppy spoke up into the pause before Hermione could launch a full on rant. "To be a healer, even a school nurse one needs top marks in potions, I should think I'm just as qualified at potion brewing as professor Snape, and I have a better bedside manner and, Merlin willing, plenty of free time."

Hermione burst out in tears again; they weren't going to expel her, they were going to help her, Madam Pomfrey was going to make her smarter, the way she should have been!

The next hour was spent putting together a viable schedule for Hermione's extra classes; she spent the entire time wrapped around Minerva like the older woman was her lifeline.

* * *

Sometimes I'll read something and even if I understand the individual words, I won't understand what I'm reading; it was a problem in highschool, especially when it happened during exam blocks.

I was going through some old dvds and found a series my sister owns (His and Her Circustances), it an anime about a young highschool couple, they're at the top of the school's academic listing, he's just naturally that good (he only has to put a little effort in) but she works really hard (as a small child she stayed up all night practing her recorder till she puked blood just so she'd pass her music exam perfectly; she _really_ likes the praise.)

The idea that 'Hermione wasn't always in the library because she was a bookworm, she was always in the library because she is dedicated to being the best because she has trouble learning' sprouted from these two facts.

Its all mostly just a reversal on the idea that 'the brightest witch of the age' has it easy, academically speaking.

And yes, Hermione is still smart (because she works hard to be) but she was bullied at her schools pre-Hogwarts for everything from her looks to her books so her selfesteem has taken serious damage.

Also, Gary from Alphas.


	7. Death Challenge

Granger Verse | Jeanne Collection | Death Challenge Verse

Reality: Reptilia28's death's challenge prompt

Main Characters: (HP) Hermione, Harry, Destiny repair agent, Hermione's parents, Hogwarts cast

Pairings: N/A (DRA's voting for Harmony though)

Bashing: N/A (possible Hermione JEAN bashing, hating on Dursleys, Dumblebashing in vague ways)

Warnings: My typos and spleling/ lack of beta. CHARACTER DEATH (SORT OF), mild language, Hermione can be incomprehensible when referencing.

Adoptability: Full, just drop me a line first so there's no 'oh my god someone stole this/you stole this' where I then have to go wait what,' and instead can go 'it's not stole, it's adopted, read the authors notes more.'

* * *

Harry James Potter: Battle mage, magical thief and chosen one, was Not Amused.

There were many reasons he was Not Amused, including his standard sense of humour being somewhat odd, but mostly because he was dead; and the afterlife was rather like a lawyer's office.

The chair he sat in was exceedingly uncomfortable, the look he was getting form the woman behind the desk only served to make him even more uneasy. In the privacy of his head he wished for his cane. Unfortunately the artefact that had taken him two years to craft had been confiscated on arrival.

"You do this just because you hate me don't you, you should have won years ago but nooooooo, you had to play right into the puppet master's plans didn't you? Then wonder of wonders you had to ruin his plans by not winning hence not becoming the new super power, therefor not in a position to be screwed over and take on the mantle of dark lord thus stopping his ascension to power.

"Harry James, I really want to hurt you right now… just so you know-" The woman, who had been speaking a least seventy-eight miles a minute stopped as her computer pinged, she glanced at the screen only to double take when she saw the message she had just received. Grinning a grin that would make the Cheshire cat of Wonderland jealous she fixed Harry with an odd sort of look.

"Well, well, well Mr Potter, looks like you get another chance after all, here was me worried I was about to lose my job and you were about to get disbursed for re-assignment, alright time to play an old game with new rules, now you can finally live the life you were supposed to."

"What the hell are you on about?" Harry asked suddenly, finally unable to put up with the confusion anymore.

"Your destiny dumbass, your true destiny, not that washed up crappy version you've been trying for."

"…Can I get some of whatever it is your smoking? Seriously, you make no sense… at all."

"Fine, I'll go back to the beginning shall I? Before you were born a prophecy was made that you would defeat the dark lord with power he knows not-"

"Yeah, I've heard it, tell me what I don't know, not what I do." The woman's eyebrow twitched.

"Background is essential you little frackbite."

"Little what now?"

"Ahem, moving on. That prophecy was a fake… what, no outburst; no OMG my life is a lie?"

"I'll have a fit when you get to the point."

"Cause your life _is_ a lie you know, Dumbledore put you with the Dursleys because he knew they would abuse you, possibly even break you beyond repair, so when you got your letter you, the most powerful wizard in a heck of a long time and one of two destined to drag the magical would kicking and screaming into the modern day, would worship at Dumbledore's gross grandpa feet.

"… seriously still no OMG? Fine, continuing on… succinctly: your life is a lie you BFF Ron is a traitorous prick who just got you killed _again_, the people you looked up to screwed you and your pack over-"

"Pack?"

"Your last true family Remus and Sirius, the dork man made sure they couldn't save you."

"Right so lots of people lied to me, everyone hates me I was destined to win only to be screwed over and made the new dark lord… and the way it happened sucks way more because?"

* * *

Hermione Jane Granger: Relic Hunter, Technomancer and Commander of the Resistance, was Not Amused.

There were several reasons for her being Not Amused, the first and biggest reason being: she was currently dead. The second reason being she had just been told the world she had been aware of since she was eleven-and-change was not hers, which was why she was currently storming down the halls of the Afterlife Offices heading for Destiny Repair.

The third reason for her non-amusement was finding out that the timeline she had been nudged into was an eventuality which was always destined to fail, some BS about multiversal balance. So the past decade and a half she had spent fighting a war had always been pointless, even more annoying was the fact she belonged to an eventuality which was destined to win and the only reason she was being allowed to swap back with the consciousness from the eventuality she had just suffered through was because someone in her origin line had messed up and lost the war.

Hermione wished her guns hadn't been confiscated on arrival; she really needed to shoot someone.

With an authoritive casualness born of battle won self-assurance Hermione flung open the door to the destiny repair office and strode up to the desk, the receptionist took one look at the vexed witch and indicated for her to take a seat.

Hermione did so, for all of minute at which point shouting from the inner office caught her attention.

"You IDIOT! Fifty-eight deaths, you died Fifty-Eight freaking times, that's how it 'sucks way more!' Argh! Why couldn't you just fulfil your destiny: stop the dark lord, save the broken soul, Marry your soul mate…" and here it quietened for a moment, "what was her name, some Granger girl," then loud again, "and live well past the age of double digits. As it is you almost got me fired and your Ego irreparably altered."

Hearing her name Hermione got the feeling she should probably be a part of this so she sidled over to the door, shamelessly eaves dropping, when the receptionist gave her a glare Hermione merely raised an eyebrow in response.

"Granger… you mean that obnoxious Ravenclaw," Hermione's other eyebrow rose at the man's words, "Hermione Jean Granger, that useless, rule-loving bookworm who delighted in getting me into trouble as much as Malfoy did? Are you completely joking, besides, I was in love with Ginny."

Hermione cringed at the thought, hoping his world's version of Ginny Weasley hadn't been brainwashed into being as big a potion using slut as her world's.

"Actually that was the result of being doused with amentortia since your first Christmas at Hogwarts and my records say Hermione _Jane_, not Jean." The woman, obviously the Destiny Repair Officer, continued on, explaining how the Weasleys had continuously used and screwed over the young man, Hermione cringed at some of the examples; she'd known since day one the majority of Weasleys were bad news. She wondered who the young man was, her alleged soul mate, who the hell could be so important he would be puppeteered so thoroughly.

"Look, Harry, this is your last chance, after this there's nothing that can be done, that's why we're letting you keep your memories, but you are going to have to keep this whole back form the future thing quiet, you can tell your soul mate," Harry snorted, "but other than that only if absolutely necessary, I'll be dropping in to check up on you every so often, so behave and please, please stop dying. Now get out, I'm sick of looking at your face, just head out my door and go through the pale blue one next to the reception desk." Hermione her the scuffing of a chair as someone stood up, ducking quickly away from the door and into the nearest seat she picked up a magazine and started flicking through it. Subtly she watched as the door opened and a young man with messy black hair and ill-fitting clothes stepped out, he looked war-weary and pissed off she noticed, but she couldn't recognise him, which was odd, the eventuality she came from and the one she was sent to weren't that different surely… apart form the whole 'one is doomed the other is not' thing.

While the young man, Harry the repair officer said his name was, headed towards the blue door Hermione slipped inside the office, surprising the woman already inside.

"I'm Hermione Jane Granger, the Chance and Circumstance department sent me down, seems some Chaos agent swapped my consciousness and magic from one eventuality to another, they gave me this to give to you." Hermione held out the small cream coloured card which the other woman took.

"I'm Ashley by the way," the officer said frowning as she typed the number on the card into the computer and received the results. "Oh good, now we might be able to get this crap back on track." Hermione raised an eyebrow and Ashley laughed nervously.

"Well Miss Granger, on the bright side I had to send Mister Potter back to the shift point to keep his system clear of love potion."

"Mr Potter? You called him Harry, so that was Harry James the boy-who-survived-Wollymort-just-to-die-from-domestic-abuse Potter." No wonder she hadn't recognised him. "And he's supposed to be my soul mate? I think I'll take crossing over thanks."

"Sorry can't do that, you're the reason he failed his destiny, you were supposed to be in Gryffindor-"

"I was."

"In _his_ Gryffindor, be his best friend and help him achieve his destiny, holy smack… no wonder he died so many times, without you he had no reason to live… and this explains why he was such a bitter little bastard just now."

"So you want me to do it all over again, teaming up with that guy and saving everyone, knowing that this eventually is destined to succeed and only failed because of me. Rules include not telling anyone bar Harry and those who absolutely need-to-know about my temporal incursion, no taking over the world and no killing Potter?"

Ashley nodded.

"Stop twinkles and save the riddler?" Ashley nodded once more, "Out through the blue door?" and nodded again. "Do I get my stuff back at any point or is this a clear, from-scratch type mission?"

"Clear, from-scratch."

Hermione swore, "So how do I save him anyway?"

"Like you don't already know, the only reason it failed in your line was…"

"No Chriton to my Scorpy hence no Harvey. Plus that eventuality was doomed from the get go," Hermione glared at Ashley and left, scowling the whole way.

* * *

Harry had spent the entire day pretending he was the same simpering ten-year old he had been almost a decade and a half ago. It was grating, putting up with walking lard and shrill, abnormally large twig insects.

On the plus side, he thought as he chopped up a slab of beef for dinner, he was allowed near sharp implements and people - who weren't death eaters - at the same time again, oh the fun he could have.

"BOY!" oh the fun.

* * *

The only good thing about the reset, Hermione decided, was all the tomb-diving she got to do again, and do better. Or in this instance, just do, Hermione had only managed to pinpoint the location of this particular relic after international transport was no longer an option. Although she would never admit it, the queen of research had missed crawling through ancient tunnels filled with mud and archaic debris. Slipping and sliding down the crawl space Hermione made her way to the central chamber far beneath the acropolis.

Several hundred years prior a rather snarky siren had stolen a goblin forged dagger of immense power, immense _earth_ power, which the siren was incapable of using. Upon discovering this fact the angry woman had sealed the dagger away in a cavern which repelled anything goblin or male, and that meant the chances of the dagger being found before Hermione's discover were close to zero.

With a final stretch Hermione tumbled out of the tunnel and into the main chamber. It was dark except for her torch light; the young Relic Hunter took a moment to commend herself on the creation of this particular torch. It wasn't as good as her old one, from the future, but considering what she had to work with it was pretty damn fantastic.

Using a very tricky technique she had etched runes all over the torch, including the light bulb, to ensure it wouldn't break or run out of power, to make sure it wouldn't be dropped or lost and most importantly, to keep the light lens clean and clear so she could still see, after all judging by the amount of mud and salt crystals she was covered in, a normal torch just wouldn't have cut it.

Longing for some of her light spheres Hermione swept the beam of torch light about the room, her smile growing beneath the muck as she saw the contents of the vault. In the very epicentre atop a marble pedestal sat the dagger, and all around it was the treasure of several ancient, sunken ships. All of it was hers… assuming she could get it all out without setting of a trap… assuming she hadn't set one off already.

Quickly and cautiously Hermione focused her magic outwards towards the room, the treasure and even backwards into the tunnel, berating herself for being so careless. Sorting through all the enchantments was a laborious process but it paid off when Hermione found three separate vault fall traps, the annoying kind of traps that destroyed the entire vault if you touched the wrong item; and that was in addition to the door locking traps and basic hexes.

Taking her self-enchanted bag from her belt Hermione retrieved her camera and took three rolls of film worth of pictures before she began taking notes in a notebook from the bag, it was an hour after entrance that she finally started collecting all the treasure, squealing several times as she located ancient and previously lost tomes amidst the other artefacts, leaving anything with a trap for last.

Three hours later the traps were disarmed, the treasure was all in her bag and the pint sized Relic Hunter was making her way back up the tunnel. Oh yes, she still had it.

* * *

While The Dursleys were sleeping Harry had crept out of the house, using some of the more interesting 'grey' spells he knew. Using a grey spell of his own design he shimmered, transporting himself from Little Whining to the Black Forest (Germany) in mere moments, with no sound whatsoever.

Now all he had to do was track down that delightful Yaga woman, and gather the materials he needed to get back in business. He hoped she'd made some of those wonderful cookies of hers… not that he had a cookie addiction.

* * *

Thanks to the day of activities Hermione had arranged for her parents they had never even noticed she was missing, and thanks to the romantic night she had organised they wouldn't notice her absence that night either.

The night was spent in the Greek ministry of magic getting herself two magical passports and an archaeological licence, the second passport and licence were for her alias, after all who would let a ten and a half year old girl go into such dangerous situations, and so, with a nod to her muggle heritage, the Magical, Relic Hunting Lara Croft was born. After all, Lara Croft had inspired her the first time round during the war.

The Greek ministry was well aware of Lara's true identity, but the English girl had gained herself a lot of favour when she had returned the long missing Vase of Apollo, the lost Bow of Artemis and the Mirror of Aphrodite, so the ministry was more than happy to keep her secret, and send a bit of work her way every now and again.

* * *

Finding the house was easy; all he had to do was follow the giant chicken footprints. Getting Baba to like him was even easier, when she sicked her pet hell hounds on him he withdrew the knife he'd taken from the Dursley home and killed the hounds.

Rather efficiently too, he was good at that.

And then he smiled up at the ancient witch, ignoring the blood splatter on his face. After all what ancient crazy witch could resist such a pathetically-cute looking child-sociopath. Baba hurried him into the house, resurrecting her hell hound with a careless wave of her hand; she plied him with nutritional soup until he was full to burst before finally bringing out the cookies. Harry consumed two plates of the treat, after all everyone knew sweets went into a different stomach and it wasn't like he had a cookie addiction. All in all it took almost an hour for Harry to get to the point, he was good at delaying when he wanted to, he was a hypocrite after all.

When Baba found out exactly what Harry had in mind she eyed him warily. Then she spent half an hour fussing, putting a ridiculously large amount of foodstuffs into a small pouch, for Harry's trip, she claimed, ensuring he had more than enough to last for several weeks, she also slipped in a few magical torture techniques for a bit of 'family fun.'

Only then did she let the apparently young wizard go off by himself into the darkest most ancient and cursed part of the forest.

* * *

The dark heart of the Black forest was a tree, massive beyond almost any other in the world. It was one of the magical origin trees, and hence it was also one of the world's largest colonies of bowtruckles.

Luckily he'd come prepared for this. From a magically enhanced pocket Harry pulled one of the roses he had grown in Privet drive, one he had grown with a little help from his magic. He hadn't know the first time round, but when he had woken that morning, his magical senses and awareness intact he had noticed the glow of the roses, the way they pulsed with his magic.

A little known fact about Bowtruckles was that the adored flowers grown on magic and love, and Harry had always loved working in the garden, outside in the fresh air, so the rose was the perfect bribe… he meant trade merchandise, really he did.

Approaching the Colony tree carefully, rose held out before him, Harry called out.

"I meant no harm, I merely seek a branch of wood to craft." Harry kept his request simple and vague; he let the flower do the rest.

* * *

Hermione had spent a lot of time running for her life, during the war. Being a fugitive was a surprisingly taxing job. Her life as a dentists' daughter meant she had always maintained a healthy diet but her body had become substandard, especially considering her career choice. So upon her return to Britain Hermione set about recreating her training room, something that had started off as a portable research library during the war and she found herself missing extremely for the quiet solitude it promised.

First though she would have to get funds for the materials, which meant a trip to Gringotts and returning their lost dagger. Hermione fingered the stone circle pendant she had found in the vault in Greece, it had been perfect for her plans, it held the glamour morph-templates perfectly and best of all, the glamour spells it cast where as physical as a Metamorphmagus' change and couldn't be undone by a simple Finite Incantatum.

Slipping into her Lara Croft glamour as she approached the Leaky Cauldron Hermione took a bracing breath, last time she had been in the 'Cauldron had been during the twenty-oh-three massacre, dropping twenty odd death Eaters in under a minute with her favourite magically enhanced hand guns. Shortly before the whole pub had blown up… which had been only slightly her fault.

Stepping through the door, her glamoured-up trench coat swirling about her legs, Hermione was hit by a sense of vertigo. Shaking it off, she swept through the room, out the back and into Diagon ally, loosing herself in the ebb and flow of the Wizarding crowds.

At Gringotts she let herself indulge in a bit of fun, making sure to pick up and fill out the necessary paperwork from the jobs board she made her way over to a teller.

"Excuse me, who do I see about antiquities appraisal and opening a new account."

The goblin spared her a micro-glance and a sneer before returning to faking work.

"If I'm at the wrong teller desk then would you please direct me to the correct one?"

The goblin ignored her again, so with a smirk Hermione/Lara withdrew the wrapped dagger from her bag, unwrapped the blade and slammed it tip first into the desk with a resounding thwack that gained the attention of every goblin and human in the room.

"I said: whom do I see about appraisals, and opening a new account?" drawing her hand and the remaining cloth back so the goblins could see their formerly missing dagger. There was a murmuring amongst the bank staff and a very important looking goblin appeared at her side shortly after.

"I'm Goldeye, appraisals expert. Please refrain from such volatile behaviour in the future, may I see the artefact?"

Hermione/Lara removed the dagger from the desk and held it out for Goldeye to examine.

"Well, it's old and well forged; no real power to speak of but a good piece none the less, we can give you twenty galleons for it." He reached out to take the dagger and Hermione/Lara snatched it back, stuffing the cloth into a pocket before extracting her paperwork.

"How odd, it would seem you haven't updated the board, last update had the bounty for the Olstohn Dagger at twenty hundred galleons, or it might have been two thousand. Would you like to see my paper work?" Her eyebrow raised in amusement Hermione/Lara handed the paperwork over. Goldeye looked it over, his own eyebrows rising back into his hairline as he read. When he finished he gave her a little bow, an apology and ushered her into an office off the main room where the duo began negotiations.

* * *

Ragnok and Goldeye watched the young witch exit the bank, pausing to raid the job board before continuing on her way.

"So that was 'Lara Croft,' I honestly thought the Greek branch was trying to have one over on us." Goldeye admitted.

"How in the name of Mjöllnir did a human know about the job board?" Ragnok asked rhetorically. "They're not supposed to be able to even see it."

"Ought to be interesting though, and maybe we'll finally get our stuff back."

"The Hall-Maker had something to do with that one, no doubt. Who was the young fool that served her when she first got here?"

"Sodstep I believe; just started his probation two days ago."

"Have Ironjaw do something about him would you?"

* * *

Having left the goblins suitably awed and a great deal intrigued Hermione/Lara wound her way through Diagon, stopping every now and then to pick up various things; several dozen books a, a half dozen bolts of various materials and a bag of roasted nuts from Fortescue's, who as it turned out, didn't just do the world's third best ice-cream.

It wasn't till she reached one end of the alley that her serious shopping began.

Striding confidently down the alley with no name that started at Diagon's end Hermione/Lara made her way to a craft store of little renown. The store, suitably named The Craft, was new, thankfully several weeks old.

Hermione had been worried that the store wouldn't be there at all, having only found out about it several years from now in her previous timeline, she couldn't remember the exact opening date for the store. It wasn't very popular but it had become one of her favourites, it always had the supplies she needed to craft her technomancy inventions, and more importantly, her portable library/training rooms.

All of which she would need to make Riddle's half-life a comedic event of marauder-like proportions. Never mind what she had planned for the Puppet Master.

* * *

Not that she was aware of it but Hermione had begun to worry her parents. They had noticed a change during their family vacation in Greece, something was wrong with their little girl and they were determined to get to the bottom of it, so on their day off while Hermione was 'at the library' the Drs Granger snuck up to their daughters room.

The room was neat, not unusual in and of itself, Hermione's room was always neat, the oddity lay in the way it was neat. Almost military in its discipline, not even a book out of place on her bookshelf, no books on her bedside table or work desk, absolutely everything was neat to the point of borderline Obsessive Compulsive.

The duo of concerned parents made their way over to the work desk, carefully leafing through the neat stack of paper atop it. Nothing, it was just her summer homework. They tried the draws, surprised to find even they were neatly arranged. In the bottom left draw however they found something of interest.

A shoe box, an envelope, a torch, a camera and a ratty looking handbag.

The torch appeared to be a little scratched-up at first, closer inspection revealed the scratches to be very tiny writing; the camera had similar scratches. The Handbag was empty but the envelope and shoebox were not.

In the envelope they found dozens of photos, more than should have realistically fit, at the start of the photos were ones from Greece, all of the Grangers enjoying their holiday, later photos were of ancient tablets of text and a large cavern filled with all sorts of treasure, lit only by a single beam of torch light.

The contents of the shoe box made one of the Doctors Granger, Emma, almost faint, as it was her husband Dan sat down suddenly with a rather large thump.

The shoe box was a disguise for Emma's old Jewellery box, the one she had given Hermione two years ago in the hopes her daughter would gain an interest in girly things like jewellery. When Emma had given the box to her daughter it had been empty, now it was filled with many expensive looking necklaces and rings, several bracelets and even a tiara.

Far too many things to have rightly fitted in the small box.

Beneath the Jewellery box was something more Hermione, a stack of books. A literal stack of at least twelve books, sitting in the shoebox beneath the jewellery stash.

This time Emma did faint, Dan close behind her, their brains unable to comprehend the strangeness.

That was how Hermione found them an hour later, her things scattered about the floor, her precious ancient tomes lying on the floor like a common library book. It was a good thing they were her parents and she had yet to get her guns reforged, removing bloodstains from carpet was a bitch of a task.

* * *

"S-so that's why you've been acting odd since Greece." Emma said over a cup of tea in the living room.

"Yes," Hermione for the most part was waiting for breaking point, at which time she would have to alter her own parents' memories.

"Sweetheart," Dan started, only to stop at the sight of the teapot pouring Hermione another cup of tea; by itself. Dan gave his daughter a stern look, Hermione simply raised an eyebrow at her father, taking the handle and finished the job herself.

"I was merely proving a point; honestly, people who use magic for easy little things like that when they could do it themselves piss me off." Her parents both glared, "My apologies, those sorts of people vex me greatly."

"I always knew my baby girl was special, if only you hadn't had to suffer so much, oh baby!" It was at this point Emma broke down in tears. Hermione handed her mother the box of tissues from the coffee table.

Dan on the other hand just looked at a dust mote in the air, at least that's what Hermione thought he was gazing at.

"It's alright, honestly, I'm home now, with both of you here. This world will not suffer again. This is who I am now, please don't hate it, don't hate me, after all I finally got a hobby that requires physical exertion. My life is bigger than books now; I had friends, people I cared about, I had a world that I enjoyed exploring.  
"Maybe, actually definitely, I could have done without the war, but this time it'll be over fast, and hopefully no one but the bad guy will die."

* * *

Harry needed to get back in shape. It was a simple fact, he decided as he lay winded atop a roof in the Little Whining area. He'd gone out for a simple recon run and had ended up out of breath before he'd even gotten a fifth of the way through, it was downright embarrassing. Not to mention dangerous, unfit and roof jumping were not a good combination and he was liable to get caught. He decided, as he lay there recovering, he would retrain in free running first; then he would get back to his marauding.

Maybe, he thought to himself, maybe I should 'borrow' the come-and-go room for a bit.

* * *

June dragged on, and on and on. Finally they day both Harry and Hermione had been waiting for arrived. Letter day.

Hermione had just returned the night before from a job in Wales, and had been almost asleep on her feet when she had returned, years of mental discipline however wouldn't allow her to rest until she had everything packed away and neat, ready to go in an emergency, thus she had fallen asleep at her work desk after filling out her job journal.

Which is where her parents, and Professor McGonagall had found her, at half past eleven in the morning. Her parents explained it away as summer homework. The old witch raised an eyebrow, impressed by such academic dedication. Dan ushered Minerva down stairs for morning tea while Emma took task of waking up Hermione. The Dr grabbed a throw pillow from her daughter's bed and, standing as close to the doorway as she could, lobbed the pillow at Hermione, The reaction was instant and terrifying. Hermione woke, spinning she grabbed the pillow, got clear of the chair and froze, the pillow was on the ground beneath the girl who held it in what would have been a highly debilitating hold on a living being, one hand clutching a knife posed to strike a major artery… or it would have been if pillows had arteries. Less than a second later the pillow was thrown to the side as Hermione prepared herself for an assault from another direction, eyes scanning the room and coming up short of enemy combatants, her mother stood awkwardly by the door, waving.

"A professor McGonagall is here to see you." Hermione nodded dumbly. "I'll just tell her you'll be right down?"

"Shower first, ten minutes." Hermione dragged a hand over her face, grabbing her fresh clothes from their spot on her desk. Emma Granger had a moment of double take as she wondered where the knife and journal had gone, then shrugged; her daughter was just skilled like that.

It was seven minutes later that Hermione appeared downstairs where her parents were discussing education options for Hermione.

"Sorry about my tardiness." Hermione said politely during a lull in conversation.

"Not at all Miss Granger, My Name is Professor McGonagall, I'm here to introduce you to the magical world, you see you my dear, are a witch."

"I see, this does explain more then it doesn't." Hermione slid into a chair at the table, taking a cup of tea and a biscuit. "So what do you intend to do with me once I am introduced to the magical world?"

"We would like you to attend Hogwarts, it is one of the finest teaching establishments for the education of you witches and wizards."

"What sort of commute is there?"

"It a boarding school," Emma cut in, fully aware that Hermione already knew this.

"Well that is a problem, tell me professor what sort of classes do you teach at this school?"

"The basics obviously: potions, charms, herbology, transfiguration, history, defence against the dark arts and lessons on flying naturally, third years and up also enjoy addition classes of their choosing.

"Muggle studies, divination, arithmancy, ancient runes and care of magical creatures."

"And what of math, science, language classes, basic English, intercultural studies?"

"I'm afraid we don't have any of those, although I suppose you might count Arithmancy and muggle studies as math and intercultural studies, and most spells are performed in a Latin based language."

Hermione raised an eyebrow, a rather judgemental and damning eyebrow, and sipped her tea quietly.

"Professor, I rather enjoy the classes I take at the moment, science and math are really quite fascinating, not to mention languages and intercultural classes are highly useful to me, we travel quite a way during our family vacations you see.

"As intrigued as I am by this whole magic thing you really do need to understand that I will not give up my current levels of education." Minerva looked at the child, who somehow seemed decades older, hoping that they would not loose such a bright young girl, the magical world needed young people like Miss Granger. "If you would be willing to make a concession perhaps? Allow me to continue my current learning by distance education, give me allowances to leave this Hogwarts for various occasions as my current education requires."

"I would have to speak with the headmaster about it, and I must tell you that most children have enough on their plate just becoming familiar with the current course work, especially muggle-borns such as yourself."

"Muggle-borns, what an incredibly crass term. I think I would prefer the term New-Gen thank you very much. And frankly speaking I am not most children, and if the majority do have trouble learning then either the majority are idiots or your teaching practices are substandard."

Hermione pinned Minerva with a look, for a few moments the duo stared each other down, Emma and Dan felt they were just missing something very important. In fact they were. Hermione, like her favourite professor, was a feline type animagus, subliminally Minerva had recognised this and the two were currently, subconsciously fighting for Pride status.

In the end Hermione conceded, but Minerva still understood that though she was the elder, she was no longer Queen of the Pride.

* * *

Harry didn't get a teacher with his letter, again. The letter came just as it had last time, at the bottom of the morning stack of normal post. This time however he quickly slipped it into his cupboard; he would deal with it after breakfast.

* * *

There was an itch between her shoulder blades. Hermione was being watched, intensely, she could feel it. Subtly she checked the room, witches, wizards and goblins flitted back and forth in the Gringotts lobby, finally she spotted her watcher. A young boy around her age, with familiar messy black hair and dangerous green eyes.

Harry James Potter, at least if Ashley was to be believed. She let her eyes keep roaming, she didn't even pause when she spotted him, he would have no idea he'd been spotted. She'd never met Harry Potter before, and he had never met Hermione Jane, he was expecting Hermione Jean, she knew. This was going to be interesting. Using a technique she had not used for years Hermione pretended to spot something interesting and slipped away from her parents and McGonagall, making sure to put people between her and Harry as much as possible she lost him in under a minute. Using the basic confusion of the floor she shifted into her Lara glamour.

* * *

Harry hadn't actually been expecting to see her in the ally or in Gringotts, but there she was, walking with her parents and McGonagall. Her parents seemed nervous, she didn't; which was odd for someone who had never seen a goblin before, then again she always was an arrogant know-it-all.

He watched her carefully while his new key was being made; his old key was currently suffering a minor melting fit, courtesy of goblin magic. He noticed her looking around, her eyes sliding straight over him and apparently latching onto something else in the building. Harry frowned as Hermione wandered away from her parents; that was very un-Granger like behaviour. His frown deepened as he lost sight of her.

His eyes scanned the crowd looking for her head of bushy hair. He barely noticed as a young woman in a rather fashionable trench coat leaned casually against the desk next to him. Then the goblin returned with his new key and he gave up looking. He took the key with a polite thanks, noticing the goblins attention was not actually on him, he glanced to the side.

She would have been in her early twenties, barely five feet and change; she was dressed in muggle apparel, a pair of purple tinted thin wire glasses perched atop her long braid-bound brown hair.

"Is Goldeye in?" She asked the goblin, who nodded dumbly. Goblins never did anything dumbly. "Lovely, I'll just drop by his office then shall I." she strode off, weaving expertly between the other customers.

"Who was that?" Harry asked.

"Lara Croft," The goblin replied in awe. Harry frowned again, the woman had looked ridiculously familiar, but he couldn't place her, he knew he'd met her _somewhere_. Then his brain stopped; Lara Croft was a muggle video game character.

Somewhere, he was certain, that damnable destiny repair woman was laughing.

* * *

Ashley was in fact only giggling, and munching on popcorn. Her counterpart from the Chance and Circumstance department next to her on the sofa.

"Oh just wait til Lara and Sly get together," Her giggling became manic.

"Ringtail and Princess, oh the havoc they could cause," Ashley's companion replied drily. Ashley stopped laughing and the two shared a look. Silence reigned for a minute then maniacal laughter broke out.

Outside the room a passing Chaos agent wet himself and fled in terror.

* * *

He found her in the book store; naturally, she was flicking through the pages of a book, appearing totally engrossed.

"Mr Potter I presume," She said quietly, not looking up from the tome. Harry raised an eyebrow.

"You presume correctly, Ms Granger." She shut the book with a snap, shelving it as she turned to him, holding out one hand.

"Hermione _Jane_; interesting to finally make your acquaintance Mr Potter." Harry reached out slowly, slightly thrown by her attitude. This was not the girl he knew.

"Harry James; intrigued to meet you Ms Granger." They clasped hands, both flaring their aura in a restrained manner, the magical equivalent of the hand-squeeze. Hermione smiled first, more of a smirk really.

"And for the record, Mr Potter: I am a Gryffindor, not a Ravenclaw; and I love shattering rules where I can, I just prefer to be able to get away with it."

Harry frowned.

"Temporal reality, fate fluctuation. Every world has two eventualities: success and failure, major points in time and space cause divisions of reality. Several weeks ago you came close to death, in this world, the world of Gryffindor Hermione Jane you lived. In the world of Ravenclaw Hermione Jean you died, that world failed. Unfortunately Jane and Jean swapped places, a chaos agent having fun, it threw the, multiverse off balance. You lost because you had the wrong hand of cards, a Queen of hearts instead of diamonds."

"Fascinating, so similar and yet… what do you have to do with Lara Croft?" the pieces fell into place, the woman from that morning hadn't been familiar because she was a popular character, she looked familiar because she looked like an older Hermione.

"Physically manifesting glamour spell, its basic technomancy."

"You know, I think we're going to get on a lot better than I thought we would."

"We'll see Mr Potter, we'll see."

* * *

Emma, Dan and Minerva Walked quickly through Diagon Alley, Minerva in the lead following her point me spell. Dan and Emma were far less worried than the professor; they knew how well their little girl could take care of herself. Minerva on the other hand had been appalled when she was told by the goblins Hermione had already left the building.

The trio found her down the alley at Diagon's end. She was sitting in front of a café, gleefully eating a cheese pizza, a large fluffy orange cat and a snowy white owl occupied one of the chairs at her table, both eating from small bowls, while across from her sat a boy her age with bright green eyes and messy black hair.

"Oh my word, Mr Potter." Minerva gasped, the boy in questioned looked up at her, swallowed his on mouthful of pizza and smiled.

"Hello, I'm sorry, you seem to know who I am but I'm afraid I don't know you."

"Harry this is professor McGonagall, she's the deputy headmistress of Hogwarts, additionally she's the head of Gryffindor house and the Transfigurations professor."

"Pleased to meet you Professor."

"It's wonderful to see you again Mr Potter, it's been a long time. Ms Granger however I saw not too long ago in Gringotts, before she wandered off. Ms Granger it's not a good practice for people unfamiliar with the alley to walk about unsupervised."

"Oh I understand that professor but I wasn't worried, after all my parents had you to look out for them. Plus Harry and I found the best place for pizza; we have another one ordered if you three would like to join us, it vegetarian, just in case you were wondering." Hermione smiled and bit into her pizza.

"What a lovely idea, I haven't had pizza in years." Emma agreed, Dan close behind her, the doctors took some chairs from nearby empty tables and joined the two children, Minerva held out for half a minute before the wonderful smell of the fresh pizza broke her down.

* * *

Minerva strode down the halls of Hogwarts quietly. Deep in contemplation she almost didn't see Poppy, Rolanda or Pamona.

"Well, well, what's got our favourite kitten in a knot, hmm?" Rolanda asked as Minerva moved passed them.

"Oh," Minerva snapped back to reality with a slight start. "Ladies forgive me, I was lost in thought; I've just had the most peculiar meeting in Diagon Alley."

"I thought you were introducing one of the muggle borns to our world," Poppy said raising an eyebrow.

"I was, Miss Hermione Granger is a rather unusual child but she and Mister Potter seemed to get along quiet well."

"Young Harry? Is he alright?" Rolanda asked. Poppy quick on her heals with "Did he seem healthy?"

"I'd forgotten this was the year he was set to come, Oh what does he look like, more like Lily or James?" Pamona added quickly.

"Like a very small James though his eyes are the same colour as Lily's…"

"What's the matter?" Pamona prompted.

"His behaviour, and Miss Granger's, was… odd, there was something not right with him, there was this look in his eyes; I knew it was a bad idea to leave him with those people, and after Albus raised the wards I couldn't go back… I feel like I've failed them." None of the other witches needed clarification to know she was talking about her favourite students, Lily and the Marauders – at least the Marauders they remembered from the days when they were joyful pranksters.

"Come on Minnie, let's go have a bit of scotch and share regrets." Rolanda suggested, slinging one arm around the other professor, Poppy and Pamona agreeing quickly, the four witches headed off to their 'group medicine cabinet.'

* * *

The air in the room was strung tighter then a bow string. Harry and Hermione lay tangled on the witch's floor.

"Good evening Mr Potter," Hermione greeted him coldly, her knife slowly moving closer to his neck's major artery as his grip weakened.

"I apologise for dropping in unannounced Ms Granger," Harry's acidic and amused reply came, _his_ knife sliding infinitesimally closer to the major artery under Hermione's left arm.

The duo stared at each other in the dark. In a quick and efficient movement Hermione twisted the knife in her hand, relaxing her arm so the knife was hilt out and she was no longer pushing towards Harry's neck. She didn't, however, relax her grip on his knife arm. A moment later he mimicked her, withdrawing his blade.

Slowly and carefully they detangled themselves, eyes never breaking contact. Both were quiet competent in Ligilimency but neither was using it, they were just trying to read intent the old fashion way.

"To what do I owe this unexpected pleasure," Hermione asked quietly, glad her parents were used to slight noises from her room, who knew what might have happened had they come to investigate. In the darkness Harry smirked at Hermione's mockery of etiquette.

"Our conversation was interrupted earlier; I merely wished to finish it. Plus we need to sort out our plans, I would hate for the two of us to have a miscommunication and end up ruining one another's plots."

"Fair enough, Tea?" Harry nodded, "Next time call ahead, I might not have been here."

"I'll keep that in mind but Cell phones don't exactly work very well in the hands of a powerful wizard, not that current Cellphone technology is very… efficient."

"Hmm, give me a few more days and I should have some spell phones available for field testing."

"Spell phones?"

"I am the inventor of technomancy you know, I had to borrow so pre-existing ideas from various other magical communities but I was the one to figure it out and put it into practice. Technomancy has a lot of advantages you know."

"Really? Spell phones, nice pun… and I'd be happy to be your guinea pig." Even in the dark Hermione could see Harry's smirk. She suppressed a shiver as she noted the hint of madness lying just beneath the surface. "I believe you mentioned tea?" the witch nodded and ushered him from her room.

* * *

The remnants of July and the month of August were far more interesting than the time prior to their meeting. They spent the time divided between plotting to save the world and their interests; Harry began his thievish escapades again, finally having reached a suitable level of physical health.

Hermione spent a lot of her 'hobby time' re-researching former jobs she'd done and re-retrieving lost artefacts, the goblin nation was almost ready to declare her a goddess in disguise.

Half way through August Hermione discover Harry's unusual talent for engaging in conversation with serpents. It was a discovery which Harry shortly regretted; as well as her spell phones Hermione was also developing a computerized archive, the loss of books and information had been a severe cramp in the Resistance' side during the war.

In addition to scanning books and information Hermione was also working on a linguistic and translation database, this meant Harry had to read not just several dictionaries worth of words, he also had to read random lines of text so the program could compensate for grammatical differences.

The duo also made sure to spend time working out a plan for the long run, and then several contingency plans and then several contingency plans for each of their contingency plans.

By the time the school year rolled around the duo were thoroughly sick of each other. Luckily they didn't have to ride the train together. Hermione, or rather Lara had been requisition by a cult in Mexico to help recover some Mayan artefacts, it was a job she had done before and she had offered her help at the time… in the future; so she was somewhat surprised when she was contacted and asked for help. She found out at Gringotts before she left that they had spread the word about her current recovery portfolio, which was quite impressive for someone who had only come on the scene a few short months ago.

This meant Hermione wouldn't even be in Europe for the train ride, she would be catching a ride from Mexico to London and from there she would floo to Hogsmead, hopefully in time to join the first years on the boat ride.

Harry on the other hand _would_ be on the train, he had contemplated several ways to avoid people and finally came up with a good one, which he neglected to share with Hermione; as well as they were getting along, they still had several dozen secrets they kept from one another.

Several of them were the same in fact; the one they shared that was relevant in this case was their animagi abilities. When Harry got to the train station, not overly late as he had been the first time round, in fact he got there a lot earlier, he was thankful for the Glamour Charm Hermione had crafted for him in her 'spare time.' No one took any notice of Sylvester 'Sly' Cooper as he made his way towards the barrier, a cat carrier in one hand. Hedwig had opted to fly to Hogwarts, and both his bags and Hermione's had been shrunken to the size of a key chain ornament and attached to the handle of Crookshanks' Carrier.

Even over an hour earlier than last time Harry/Sly noticed a gang of red heads in bath robes flitting about the station. The matriarch of the group making a fuss about 'muggles.' Harry/Sly hid a grimace as he walked straight past them in his faded blue jeans and blue hooded jumper, now that he had perspective he could see that the Weasley family really were part of a setup, not to mention really bad at blending in.

Ignoring them instead of his acting on his fantasy response – which included the gouging of eyeballs – Harry/Sly slipped through the barrier unnoticed. Weaving through the crowds with ease he stowed the, now unshrunken, luggage in the baggage cart, opened Crookshanks carrier door and hopped onto a rather comfortable looking stack of luggage, dropping his glamour and changing into his animagi form as he went.

He slept through most of the journey, awoken by Crookshanks as night fell, he slipped out of the baggage cart unseen, joining the mass of students disembarking with great ease, he tried to pick the pocket of another first year as they met by the boats, Hagrid's bellowing drowning out Harry's yelp as Hermione pinched him.

"I'm tired, I'm sore, I haven't had a chance to catch my breath or recharge my magic in a week I just got stabbed, shot at and bludgeoned, don't you freaking dare try it Potter I _will_ kill you in your sleep… or possibly disembowel you and dance in your entrails." Harry just grinned cheekily in response.

"I hate Mexico, and Mayan tombs and temples and I need a bath and a nap and I swear if you push me into the lake I will castrate you and take all your shineys." Harry stuffed his plan to push Hermione into the lake into the deepest recesses of his mind; he knew her well enough to know she could and would make good her threats.

Thus the boat ride was uneventful, for the duo, the actual first years found the whole thing rather exciting as they caught glimpse of the castle, then Hermione realised something.

"Didn't you have glasses before?" Neville and Ron were too awestruck to pay the conversation much attention.

"Grey spell I developed, contacts were annoying and losing my glasses was getting old and dangerous." Hermione let the conversation go with an: 'ah, I see, add it to the archive will you.' And the boats continued on.

Their entrance to the school was much the same as they both remembered: 'you there, is that your toad?' 'Trevor!' 'First years for you professor.'

What Hermione didn't notice, for it had not happened in her time stream, was the lack of Draco Malfoy making Harry his 'enemy.' Harry didn't feel the need to mention, Hermione might ask how he avoided the confrontation and that might lead her to his furry secret, as much as he liked this version of Hermione he still had reservations about her character thanks to the decade he knew Granger, stupid gods forsaken Ravenclaw. Not that he was holding a grudge.

Although now that he thought about it there were several physical differences between the two...

"Stop looking at me weird."

* * *

When the Sorting Hat perched atop Hermione's head her first reaction was to slam her mental defences into place, lock all the treasure chests and set all the traps. Contrary to popular belief the mind scapes most people used in Occlumency were not actually visual, it turned out inbred magicals weren't actually all that good at visualising things, which meant their 'walls' were far more theoretical. Many people had tried to slip into her mind but they just couldn't understand the visualised concept of her internal world so they usually went away with a migraine from the attempt and something metallic stuck in their leg.

The sorting hat however was not an inbred magical, it was an ancient artefact that learnt from the minds it met, not spells or potions but concepts and ideas, and had no trouble slipping into Hermione's mind scape, and that pissed her off.

* * *

The Hat had taken the form of a cat, ironic and annoying. Hermione stood glaring at it in the sandstone ruins that served as an entry way to her mind. The cat eyed her curiously.

'That's not what you look like on the outside.'

'It's how I remember myself.'

'Curious.'

'Curiosity killed the cat,' Hermione called after the cat as it wound its way through the ruins.

'And satisfaction brought it back Miss Granger, or is that Commander.' Hermione growled and stalked after Hat/cat.

She was alarmed by how quickly it found the correct path through the ruins, seeking out all the best memories she held there, disguised though they were. Slowly, almost unnoticeably the sand littered ruins changed, more dirt mixed with the sand, the sandstone darken and became grey, small plants began to sprout, then without a definitive point of change they were in the jungle, granite sculptures lay toppled on their sides, a light rain drizzled down on and off as they went, the Hat/cat making easy progress over the large, looming roots of the archaic trees. Hermione moved just as easily, though far grumpier then she had been. She hadn't been expecting a trip through her mental scape, and she was really sick of the jungle.

Fortunately, or unfortunately as the matter may have been, the Hat/cat found the entrance to the next part of her mindscape, disguised as a tomb entrance, the door partially destroyed, the duo slipped in through the opening, down the dark tunnel, Hermione closing on the fake cat.

They had barely cleared the entrance of the tunnel onto the white sandy beach when Hermione pounced, snatching the Hat's feline avatar by the scruff of its neck.

'That's enough, just put me in Gryffindor.' The Hat/cat mewled pitifully, Hermione glared at it and it went quiet. Turning on her heel she sprinted for the entrance, hat/cat in hand, quickly passing through the tunnel, making short work of the jungle and desert ruins she skidded to a stop before the oasis pool, the ruins were the entry room, the pool was the actual door. Hermione grinned, just a little manically, and threw the false feline into the water, jumping in after it.

* * *

The Hat grumbled quietly to itself as sat atop the witches head. Hermione sent it the mental equivalent of a slap upside the head.

'Fine, deprive me my fun.' It sent back. "GRYFFINDOR!" 'Bitch.'

'I am going to destroy you, you little wash cloth.' Hermione silently replied before slipping off the stool and darting off to her table, she was ridiculously hungry… stupid airline food.

From his place in line Harry smirked, Hermione had just gain a few more points in his mental book… not that he'd used another grey spell invention of his to eavesdrop on the conversation part of the interaction. Honestly.

He hid a grimace as his name was called shortly after, the other students murmuring and gaping and pointing and he wondered if he could use his fame to get away with murder of other students.

Close by him Ron Weasley tried to get close and introduce himself. Harry slipped out of reach and onto the stool. The Hat laughed manically as soon as it touched his head.

* * *

Harry fought down vertigo at the sudden change from the grand hall to his mind scape.

'Another discrepancy,' The Hat murmured from where it sat nearby on a chandelier pretending to be a red panda.

'Why a red panda?'

'Why not, you're a racoon after all.'

'You do know red panda's and racoons aren't actually related right, and red pandas are lazy little fuzz balls due to their diet.'

The hat/panda shrugged, implausibly, and scampered away. Harry followed after it through the chandeliers and high wires he had strung from stars, down they went until the chase trailed over rooftops of all sorts, Harry caught up to the Hat/panda as it started to slip into an air vent, Hooking the annoying being with his cane Harry flung it high up into the air and chased after it, catching it before it could land and take off again, he raced it back to the entrance and flung it straight through the illusion of the moon, following close behind.

* * *

'Why won't either of you let me in, it's what I'm made for damn it!' Harry replied to the hat's inquiry with the mental equivalent of a blank unnerving stare.

'… You were in Gryffindor last time, same again?' Harry smirked slightly.

'Works for me.'

"GRYFFINDOR!" 'You're actually a Slytherin deep down aren't you?' Harry removed the hat while the school erupted with noise, the Weasley twins once again doing their 'We got Potter' song and dance. Harry grimaced at their antics, they were totally on his list… the really, really bad one.

Harry slid into the seat next to Hermione who looked like the only thing that was keeping her awake was habit. He knew the feeling, during his version of the war he hadn't been able to sleep if there were people nearby, he wasn't planning on sleeping in the dorm rooms this time round having kept the habit, and he wondered how Hermione was going to cope. He was going to ask her but was interrupted when Ron Weasley sat down on his other side.

"Hey mate, I'm Ron-" Thankfully that was as far as he got, the Headmaster standing for his speech, the room was struck by silence; both magically sensitive, Harry and Hermione felt the silencing spell blanketing them. Hermione had always wondered about the headmaster's ability to shut up a room just by standing… the cheater.

Around about the same time Harry noticed the cutlery missing from Hermione's spot at the table and became very aware of her hands tensing under the table. He shifted away subtly hoping to get out of gouging range before the witch snapped.

Thankfully the food arrived first. Unfortunately Harry was sitting next to Ron, who for some reason couldn't reach any food. Harry raised an eye brow at Hermione's malicious grin as the duo set about filling their plate with the least greasy, fatty and oily food they could find. Which wasn't a lot. Hermione was very upset about that.

* * *

Bed was an interesting event, the duo waited for their roommates to fall asleep before moving their things to their favourite niches from the last time round. Both of them were surprised to discover the other knew about Griffin's Nest, Godric's old room which hadn't been used in centuries. Harry and Hermione eyed each other warily, both slowly moving off to different places in the expansive room.

They both settled in, leaving their luggage by their sleeping spots.

"If you kill me in my sleep I swear I will haunt you through every life you ever life in any form you take for the rest of eternity." Harry opened one eye and gazed sleepily at the witch.

"Same to you," He replied, eye closing.

* * *

Hermione woke up first, muscles aching, she really hated her body sometimes; even sleep deprived it refused to rest for more than four hours. Silently she slipped from her bed and into the bathroom, grabbing her things as she went. Unnoticed by the grumpy witch Harry watched her go with one eye, Hermione may have moved silently but Harry had other senses which did register her movements.

He shut his eyes once more as she moved out of view. He spent another hour lounging in bed before he got bored. He may have enjoyed napping for hours at odd times for long periods of time but he was still rested from his day long nap the day before, now he was antsy, crossing the room quickly he knocked on the bathroom door.

"You going to be much longer?" He called through the hardwood. The door opened, Harry felt the magic that moved it. He slipped in, placing his things by the door, Hermione sat with her back to him on the rim of the bath.

"I'm almost done, would you mind I can't reach most of my back." Hermione held out a tube of lotion for him, he frowned as he took it, eying the large mottled bruising on her back.

"You weren't kidding last night were you, bludgeoned indeed." He was careful as he applied the lotion, Hermione winced anyway.

"Local mercs, some foreigners with dumb ideas; the usual bad day in the office. Plus it was an actual magical artefact so there were some wizards playing with their daddies' wands; they got in a couple of good hits, sent a whole crapload of rubble flying. I got in its way."

"Sounds fun, I might have to tag along one of these days."

"Sure, I need to test out the Parseltongue translation data base anyway, I might as well take you along as backup in case it glitches like a little – ow!" Hermione turned her head to frown at him, "You little man bitch."

"You really want to say that to me before I've finished."

"I just did."

* * *

Hermione was working on her magic Laptop when he finished his shower, not unusual; she was often working on her Laptop in the morning. The parchment by her elbow however was of immense interest to the second generation Marauder.

"You stole the map." He said gleefully.

"Yep." He eyes darted back and forth as she typed, Harry made his way over to her, leaning on the back of her chair he watched as runes filled the screen with alarming speed, Harry checked the key board, yes Hermione really had changed the key board setting. He was going to find out how she did that.

"What are you doing?"

"Map two point oh." She kept her attention on the map and Laptop. Harry grinned, and even without seeing it sent shivers down Hermione's spine. "You can have one of the prototypes; the original is going back to the twins."

"Why, my father, godfather and god-uncle created that map, by rights it is mine."

"So get it from the twins later, but if they notice it's missing they may become an unanticipated problem."

Harry let loose a heavy sigh, "I suppose… then again I could always just… take care of the problem."

"Yes, I suppose you could."


	8. angst and a prayer

Granger Verse | Jeanne Collection | Prayer Verse

Reality: canon compliant, post Battle of Hogwarts, pre epilogue

Main Characters: (HP) Hermione, Ginny, Hogwarts cast (as Background)

Pairings: N/A

Bashing: N/A

Warnings: My typos and spleling/ lack of beta. CHARACTER DEATH (implied), TORTURE (off screen/Implied), RELIGIOUS MENTIONS

Adoptability: Full, just drop me a line first so there's no 'oh my god someone stole this/you stole this' where I then have to go wait what,' and instead can go 'it's not stole, it's adopted, read the authors notes more.'

* * *

Hermione settled herself wearily onto a large piece of rubble, an entire block of stone really, flung from one of the walls of the castle during the earlier fighting.

It's quiet, dust is still settling in places and for the moment she is alone, she'd managed to slip away from Ron's hovering earlier, he'd been distracted by grief over his brothers. Harry had been kneeling next to Remus's body when she'd left earlier.

She wouldn't tell anyone, and perhaps no one would care to know, she'd seen him take Remus's hand, threading the werewolf's cold fingers with those of his dead wife's as she lay beside him.

Hermione had left everyone to their mourning. She drew in a shaking breath, just trying to breath, to comprehend, to _deal_ with what had just happened, with all the death.

It was like she was adrift in a frigid ocean, nothing keeping her up, not enough air in her lungs.

"Oh god," Her voice was cracked, raw and almost unrecognisable. "Oh god," she said again, and threaded her fingers together, bowing her head.

She prayed. She prayed for the first time since she'd received her letter, given up her faith for her magic, believing that witches did not get to pray even if they did not belong to the devil.

She prayed for forgiveness, for her arrogance, for her part in all of this, for the lives she'd taken and spared, and she prayed for strength because she was crumbling and her boys would need a pillar yet.

She ended her prayer, and crossed herself the way she'd been taught in church, when she heard footsteps in the corridor behind her.

"Running away?" Ginny's voice was bitter, there was a resentment there and Hermione didn't know why.

"Just taking a moment to catch y breath while I can." Hermione turned to the younger witch, right into the path of Ginny's flying hand.

The slap came as a surprise, it stung, but Hermione had been hurt much worse in the previous months.

"I stayed, I fought them and I stayed, where were you, coming in at the last moment like it matters, like it's more important than what I did." Ginny shook with anger, tears glazing her eyes.

"I never, Ginny, where is this coming from, I'm not even sure what the hell you're trying to say."

"I stayed with them while you ran off, hiding out in the country, I stayed I protected them, you ran away!"

The students, she was talking about the students.

"I had to go, Harry needed me to-"

"We needed you, we needed Harry, you left us, they… they hurt us, here in our _home_ they forced us to hurt one another and you-"

"You think it was easy for me? For Harry? For Ron? Being out there and knowing you were here, the Neville and Luna and all of our friends were here? You think we weren't hurt, there was a Horcrux in our midst for months, you think we weren't turned on one another.

"Voldemort's poisons are many and subtle," Hermione tugged up her sleeve to expose the scarred 'mudblood,' "His minions were brutal and they hurt us when they had us but we did what _we_ had to, to stop Voldemort, to stop his war. What you did was no less important, but neither was our mission. Why are you so angry at me?"

"You left me! I looked up to you! You always had then answers, the plan, you always had a way to, to… I needed you to help me and you weren't there!"

The world stopped. 'What?' the word echoed in Hermione's head, she and Ginny had been friends because of Ron, but Hermione hadn't thought the younger girl had relied on her that much. Occasionally they had studied together, Ginny had complimented Hermione on her DADA plan in fifth year sure but, she'd never shown…

"I'm sorry Ginny, I'm so sorry," Slowly, in case Ginny reacted badly, Hermione held her arms out for a hug, Ginny moved forward into Hermione's embrace. "I didn't realise, when I left I had faith that the students of Hogwarts would be able to take care of themselves; that _you_ would be alright. And you were, you were spectacular and you were brilliant and you survived Ginny, you helped others survive.

"There are students who are alive right now that wouldn't have been without you, you did that, you saved them."

"And there are plenty that are dead. I did that as well, I asked them to fight."

"NO, no, they were asked to fight true, but they were given the option to hide, they chose to fight, they did, they died because of Voldemort, they died because this war was allowed to go on, it should never have been our duty, but it was and they choice to fight. Don't blame yourself for that, don't ever blame yourself for that."

Ginny was shaking in her arms and Hermione took a moment to realise the younger witch was crying. Hermione let her, let her purge everything she'd been feeling for the last year, all the pain and fear and betrayal, the disappointment and the hope and answered faith.

And Hermione prayed, for forgiveness, for the survivors, for healing and the future.

* * *

Because I've seen some fics were Hermione and Ginny were inexplicably best friends even though their interactions were because Ginny was the sister of Hermione's friend.

Though I do think there was more to their relationship then that, and I think that Hermione would have been exposed to religion prior to Hogwarts and I think it's both good and odd that that facet of the world was never addressed in the series (because it is a very delicate thing) but sometimes (particularly in war times) people just need to have something/someone bigger than themselves to help them even if they're not really there.


	9. Codename Hunter 0001

Granger Verse | Jeanne Collection | Codename:Hunter

Reality: Codename verse(Hunter ARC)/ XO Supernatural canon verse

Main Characters: (HP) Hermione, the Troll, Harry, Ron, Hogwarts cast (as Background)

Bashing: N/A (Hating on Ron, teachers, The Troll)

Warnings: My typos and spleling/ lack of beta. CHARACTER DEATH (SORT OF…does the troll count?) Hermione's mind language it a little crass also…

Pairings: N/A

Adoptability: Full, just drop me a line first so there's no 'oh my god someone stole this/you stole this' where I then have to go wait what,' and instead can go 'it's not stole, it's adopted, read the authors notes more.'

* * *

Hermione was in the girls bathroom crying. Why? Because Ron Weasley had managed to get right to the heart of her own self-doubt quite by accident, and despite being raised into the 'family business' Hermione was still a few months shy of twelve years old.

Her vision was blurred by tears but Hermione was too upset not to do something, she'd never been the kind of girl to curl into a comatose ball just because she was miserable, so instead she practised.

The young girl drew array after sigil after ward on the wall of the toilet stall with her chalks, erasing each one once she finished before drawing the next.

She would have cleaned her gun, but with the slight tremors in her hands that was flat out dangerous, devils traps and wards rarely, if ever, exploded if you got them wrong and it was good to practice blind so she could draw it in the dark if need be.

After several hours her hand began to cramp and her tears had run dry, never mind she'd run through four sticks of chalk, so she packed it in and washed her face, her bag and school robe dumped beside the sink.

She was just drying her face when an ungodly stench assaulted her nostrils, glancing up at the mirror she saw the cause reflected: a ruddy large mountain troll. Grimacing Hermione whirled to face it when a flash of movement and ginger caught her eye.

For a brief moment she locked gazes with Ronald Bloody Weasley before he slammed the door shut and locked it.

"Fragging Wanker," Hermione cursed, pulling her hand gun from its resting place at her lower back, thankful she'd shed her robe hours ago.

The Troll roared loudly as Hermione levelled her gun, switching off the safety. Years of training kept Hermione from freaking out as she targeted the troll's tiny eyes and fired thrice into its left ocular cavity. The roar tapered off and the large beast slumped forward, small amounts of gluggy ichor oozed slowly from the eye.

Hermione kept her gun trained on the troll for a few moments before determining it was well and truly dead, so she was only just replacing her gun in its holster after switching the safety back on as the door to the bathroom opened allowing McGonagall, Dumbledore and Snape into the bathroom, all three had wands drawn and at the ready.

Hermione tugged her shirt down over the gun inconspicuously, noticing as Ronald Weasley and Harry Potter peaked out from behind the professors.

Harry's eyes landed on her and his expression shifted rapidly: surprise, worry, relief. Ron merely looked upset the troll hadn't squashed her. Tosser.

The 'debriefing' lasted for almost half an hour, with Hermione maintaining she'd done some sort of accidental magic when questioned about how the troll had died.

Honestly, the teachers seemed more concerned about the troll's death then the fact she'd been in life threatening danger.

Bastards.

* * *

Reviews are not a crime, I don't need you to tell me I'm the best thing since Destiel but could I get a little feedback here? It won't kill you I promise.

Seriously, I' starting to think this fandom (read: the fans) are just plain craycray;

Sure you'll all read my one-shots about Hermione, as long as she's not the main character

Sure you'll follow the story but you won't review

Just WHAT? CAN I GET SOME CON-CRIT PLEASE!?


	10. Homework Harassment

Granger Verse | Jeanne Collection | Blue Ice

Reality: alternate 1st year (NO TROLL)

Main Characters: (HP) Hermione, Severus Snape, Daphne Greengrass, Ron, Harry, Hogwarts cast (as Background)

Bashing: N/A (Hating on Ron, bullying of Hermione by fellow students)

Warnings: My typos and spleling/ lack of beta. Academic bullying/Sabotage, Bullying.

Pairings: N/A

Adoptability: Full, just drop me a line first so there's no 'oh my god someone stole this/you stole this' where I then have to go wait what,' and instead can go 'it's not stole, it's adopted, read the authors notes more.'

* * *

Hermione scrabbled through her homework binder, she'd had it right there in the Potions folder.

"It was right here, I swear it was, I did my homework I did." Severus loomed over her as she searched, taking everything out of the binder, going through it rapidly, subject by subject. Then, after it was all put away neatly, she emptied her bag and went through everything, thumbing through her textbooks.

No assignment. She checked her quill case, her sloppy-notes book, even the box for her potions tools.

Nothing.

"Miss Granger, if you cannot produce the requested assignment in the next five minutes I will have to mark it a failure." Snape's voice was like poisonous satin.

"I had it this morning I swear professor, I put it in my bag this morning, I double check it was still there just after breakfast right before the Weasley twins… pranked me." _Oh god no,_ Hermione thought, _surely they wouldn't be __that__ cruel._

"Well you do not seem to have it now, and every _other_ student has handed in their work," Snape leaned down, pressing his palms to the table top of Hermione's desk; He believed she was telling the truth, the mudblood was studious, dedicated, scholastically gifted even and her work was in the top percentage of the year, she'd _never_ skimped on her homework before. But, "If you cannot produce _anything_ miss Granger-" She gasped, a spark behind her eyes, and stood quickly; Severus almost flinched in surprise.

She cleared her throat, wet her lips, squared her shoulders and began to _talk_.

"Dissection of basic potion elements concerning reactive properties in third class ingredients, By Hermione Granger.  
"The most common of Potion ingredients is, despite common misconception: heat…"

Snape gazed steadily at the girl as she spoke, clearly and at good speeds on the subject, he noticed with mild irritation she did not look directly at him but rather over his should at the wall, her eyes moving minutely as if she was reading from a script… or an assignment page.

The potions professor took note of her words, the general information she was regurgitating and the entire speech, he had to admit, it was a high ranking assignment piece.

Hermione finished speaking and turned her full attention back to Snape, he caught a vague memory of the time spent on the assignment.

"I also attached a full list of references to the back, on a separate sheet of parchment."

Her eyes were going glassy and her bottom lip quivered slightly, but she held herself as if daring him to deny her.

He pushed back from the table, swept his eyes over the silent class who stared in awe at the mudblood.

Except Daphne Greengrass and Ronald Weasley, his young serpent showed concern and smugness, the idiot lion looked angry and revolted and afraid.

Employing Classic-Billow-no#23 Snape turned and strode to his desk where the other assignments lay in a pile. He shuffled through them until he found what he was after.

Dissection of basic potion elements concerning reactive properties is third class ingredients. Written in Hermione's neat hand, signed by Ron Weasley.

Turning back to the class he held it up.

"That's it professor that's my…" Hermione read the name on it, "…assignment?" She turned to the Weasley boy, fury in her eyes. Beside the red head Potter turned to his friend with a look of disbelief.

"Miss Granger, you claim this is your assignment, yet it has another students name on it, can you prove this is yours; that you weren't just repeating what you'd read off his assignment."

"In my trunk I have the primary copies, the first draft and second and third addendums, if I could go get them…" She trailed off waiting for permission. Snape noticed the Weasley's expression turn smug, and Lavender Brown go white with guilty horror.

"So you wish me to let you out of class and go, unsupervised, to the dorms so you can steal Mr Weasley's notes?"

"No, I-"

"Professor," Daphne Greengrass stood, "I can vouch for Miss Granger, that is her work, she and I were study partners for this assignment. We were forced to share resources after the Ravenclaws 'requisitioned' all the relevant texts in the library.  
"I read over Miss Granger's work at several stages and she' read over mine in order to proof the assignments, I can swear to you honestly: That assignment was researched and completed by Hermione Granger and has been finished for three days."

Snape raised an eyebrow, his snakes didn't go out on a limb for someone for no reason, _especially_ a _mudblood_ or a _Gryffindor_. "I see, thank you for your input Miss Greengrass. Miss Granger, are you prepared to swear under veritaserum this is your work?"

"I am prepared to swear under veritaserum that is my work."

"Mr Weasley, are _you_ prepared to swear under veritaserum this is your work?"

"She's lying," The red head blustered.

"Perhaps, but that is _not_ what I asked Mr Weasley.  
"Mr Weasley, Miss Greengrass, Miss Granger; all three of you should expect a summons in the following few days, we will be getting to the bottom of this. Once the investigation has begun… you had all best hope that you have nothing to do with academic sabotage."

Snape placed the suspect assignment down on his bench and with a wave of his wand the board on the wall filled with writing.

"You have until the end of class to complete this potion; you will be working individually today. Collect your ingredients by lines. First row get your ingredients."

In the commotion of the students Hermione turned to Daphne and mouthed 'thank you' to her year mate, Daphne in return looked archly at the Gryffindor and mouthed back 'you owe me.'

* * *

For those of you confused by that quick aside about Lavender:  
Ron got his brothers to prank Hermione so he could steal her homework, then he managed to talk Lavender into talking Hermione's first drafts, not telling Lavender that the actual homework assignment would be stolen. She thought he was just taking Hermione's notes to fluster her, after all she's 'an unsociable know it all teacher's pet.'

And yes, Daphne was telling the truth.

I was reading another story a few weeks ago and there was mentions of the other types of bullying that went on in Hogwarts, not just the verbal and sometimes physical stuff the Slytherins did. A little while ago I was thinking about another subject and things in my brain collided and this happened.


	11. Death is a painful Rebirth

Granger Verse | Jeanne Collection | Valley of the Shadow Verse

Reality: Alternate PoA Rescue events

Main Characters: (HP) Hermione, Dementors, Death, Harry, Luna, Hogwarts cast (as Background)

Bashing: N/A

Warnings: My typos and spleling/ lack of beta. RELIGOUS THEMES AND BLASPHEMY... ALSO CHARACTER DEATH AND DEPICTIONS OF GRUSOME VIOLENCE

Pairings: N/A

Adoptability: Full, just drop me a line first so there's no 'oh my god someone stole this/you stole this' where I then have to go wait what,' and instead can go 'it's not stole, it's adopted, read the authors notes more.'

* * *

Hermione ran, chest heavying as she raced to where Harry should have been hiding. She'd finished securing Buckbeak and now she had to stop Harry from affecting the time stream. She tripped, falling to the ground with a whumph, the air knocked from her lungs.

She looked up, gasping as an explosion of light pushed back the Dementors from the lake, sending them fleeing. Hermione looked at the perimeter of the sphere, a few dozen meters ahead, and stumbled to her feet, falling as her ankle gave out under her.

Her breath fogged in the air before her and she looked up, reaching for her wand only to find it missing. The young witch scrambled backwards, hands blindly seeking a wand that wasn't there as the banished Dementors swarmed in her direction.

Alone and outside the shield she made a perfect target. Muscles trembling with fear and cold she sunk back onto the freezing ground as a Dementor leaned forward, a sick parody of a lovers kiss.

Hermione had researched everything she could find about Dementors when she'd first learned they would be 'guarding' the school. Intellectually she knew what was about to happen, but sometimes intellectual awareness and accepting are two separate things.

Her jaws ached as she clenched her teeth together as hard as she could, her fingers finding purchase in the frigid ground, she turned her head stubbornly and did something that few had done in the eons the Dementors had existed: She kicked the Dementor in the face.

Then the Dementors did something they had done but a few times before: they _SCREAMED_. The scream of Dementor is roughly on par with that of a baen siede for pitch and Hermione's eardrums burst. Behind her eyes several things ruptured and blood began to leak from her ears and nose and eyes.

The Dementor now closest to her grabbed her hair, twisting her head back; as she clawed at it with dirty, numb fingers a pair of Dementors swooped it, grasping her arms and pulling them away til she felt a painful tug in her shoulders. Two more Dementors joined, claiming her legs, the five of them pulled, Hermione rising from the ground as her limbs were pulled, bones popping from their sockets, she could feel the widening spaces between her vertebrae.

Hermione Screamed behind closed lips, her tightly shut mouth muffling the scream to a whimpering moan. The Dementor she had kicked in the face swam closer through the air and laid its hand gently on her cheeks, chill seeping into her skin as is hands trailed down her throat to meet at the hollow; then further, through the valley of her still developing breasts, along the line of her sternum to the bottom of her breastbone.

The creature's hands pushed in, sharp nails slicing easily through too thin cloth and frost bitten skin, angling up its hands slid in around her heart and _pulled_. There are suppositions, theories Hermione has read, that say a person can live several moments after the heart has sustained fatal injury.

She honestly couldn't say if it was true for everyone, or just magical beings or merely those whose hearts had been ripped out by Dementors.

Hermione considered, as the world faded around her to the sight of a Dementor with her heart in its hands, that it was odd her chest should feel so heavy when her heart had been taken out. As though something heavy had been left in exchange, making it hard to breathe; Hermione took three short breaths through her nose and stopped.

* * *

_A field of green, freshly mown grass stretched out around her in every direction, the sun warm overhead. A soft breeze carried the sound of rustling cloth from behind her, Hermione turned to look._

"_Death," the being seemed to smile as she greeted it. She would not be able to describe it later, could not say if it had gender or ethnicity or age, it simply was._

"_Yes."_

"_Is this the afterlife?"_

"_If this is what you'd like it to be."_

"_Did Harry make it alright? And Sirius and Buckbeak, are they okay, Them and Professor Lupin?"_

"_Yes."_

"_That's good."_

"_Did you know you have a thirteenth rib?"_

"_Yes, it was mentioned once when I broke my collar bone and I had a full chest X-ray just to make sure there was no other damage."_

"_You're embroiled with time, caught in its weft and weave, tangled in its thread. Time and Death have ever been close."_

_Hermione waited, there was no point rushing things which _were_, they moved as suited them and it was futile to fight Death's desires in any world, never mind its own domain._

"_Do you know how Dementors were created?"_

"_No, though I've considered they are the spiritual equivalent of vampires."_

"_True enough, or rather more correct then not. Its origin can be traced back to the beginning of day. Your people call their mother Lilith, whose killer you name Eve. There was sanctuary once, beyond time and corruption and death."_

_Death waited, Hermione spoke._

"_You're speaking of the Bible story, the old version which was edited out centuries ago and largely forgotten. Lilith was the first woman, the first human, and the first wife of Adam, she refused to be subservient to him and lay beneath him as unequal and was cast out of Eden where she then, after being raped became the mother of all demons. Meanwhile the second woman, largely lauded as the first by the Christian church, Eve was created from Adam's thirteenth rib. Eve was tempted by the snake in the apple tree and caused the destruction of Paradise.  
"Though to be fair she was created to obey and be subservient so it really shouldn't have surprised anyone when she did as bid and ate it."_

"_Close. Though in truth those are not the true names, the first names of those involved. When Lilith refused to be a mindless creature for Adam's whims, he experienced a great surge of Wrath, and threw her from the sanctuary, where she was found by the being Mephistopheles; a demonic entity from the end of days. Mephistopheles possessed Lilith and corrupted her body, forcing equally corrupt beings from her womb._

"_Millions upon millions of creatures spewed forth, some killing others, some splitting in two or three instantly to spread like the disease they were, most were of a physical nature, some were of a spiritual one. Some seemed to do no harm for centuries; other ravaged the face of the world instantly._

"_It was while this heinous act took place that Adam begged for a subservient partner, consumed by lust and greed and pride he felt it his due, and so Eve was made from baked earth and strong boughs and softest breezes; and of course the thirteenth rib. But she was not made to be a slave to the whims of man; she was created for duty of the higher purpose._

"_Eve was the first to accept time, and thus welcomed the existence of death. I have always existed, but sometimes effect proceeds cause. It is in the thirteenth rib that lay her first spark of life, her only trace of humanity, and it is there that she was marked as the first disciple of death. Though it angered Adam greatly Eve left the Sanctuary and sought out Lilith, and with the rib given her, slew the first woman and ended the life of Mephistopheles._

"_The rest of her life was spent cleansing the world of the corruption begot by Adam's sins, for it was his wrath that allowed Lilith's imprisonment. For all that, Eve was still mortal and with time she came into my realm._

"_You are dead you know."_

"_I know."_

"_The dead do not rise as they were. But at this moment of your death you are also alive, embroiled in time you are both at once. Death is a cleansing, a renewal of what was to what will be. Do you understand?"_

"_I understand, but I do not comprehend."_

"_There are monsters in the world that should not be, are not meant for the natural order, none will ever defeat them all, humanity is beyond saving, but it can still be helped, the corruption still held back. All will come to me eventually, but I'd prefer it be in their rightful time. You are an oddity, with the right qualities. It has been too long since the world was clean enough."_

"_What would you have me do?"_

"_I cannot appear in the world of the living, I do not anthropomorphise, but I can arm an agent, I can send forth a reaper, if she is willing."_

"_You wish me to kill the children of Lilith."_

"_Yes."_

* * *

The creatur'es hands pushed in, sharp nails slicing easily through too thin cloth and frost bitten skin, angling up its hands slid in around her heart and _pulled_. There are suppositions, theories Hermione has read, that say a person can live several moments after the heart has sustained fatal injury.

She honestly couldn't say if it was true for everyone, or just magical beings or merely those whose hearts had been ripped out by Dementors.

Hermione considered, as the world faded around her to the sight of a Dementor with her heart in its hands, that it was odd her chest should feel so heavy when her heart had been taken out. As though something heavy had been left in exchange, making it hard to breathe; Hermione took three short breaths through her nose and stopped.

The five Dementors which held her dropped her to the ground. Beneath her body the ground seemed to melt and Hermione sunk into the earth, disappearing from sight. In the Dementor's hands Hermione's heart began to burn with a cold blue flame. The soul eating creatures shrieked in unison for a second time that night. The fire spread to cover them and the ground surrounding. From the place Hermione's body had sunk a hand the colour of the soil burst forth, then another, a clay coated body dragging its way from the terrain. Two cracks appeared, one where the mouth should have been, the other along the line of the breast bone.

Flakes of baked earth began to fall away from the cracked areas as the earthen figure stumbled close to the Dementor with the heart. A voice came forth from the broken area on the 'face.'

"You have something of mine; I'll be taking it back now, Abomination." Faster than a thing made of stone should have been able to move, faster than most things of _flesh_ could move, one hand shot out and clenched the heart, the flames slipping up the earth creatures arm, more of its coating began to flake off.

There was no resistance when the heart was taken from the Dementor's grip, the swarm watched as it burned while the stone thing pressed the flaming organ into the gaping hole of its chest, rummaging around in the cavity for several moments.

When its hand withdrew the heart was gone, in its place was a curved length of bone, the wound sealing behind it. The last of the clay flaked away, leaving a naked Hermione covered in blue flames standing in place; her hair danced wildly with the fire, as though it were one and the same.

The one who had stolen her heart was the first to die.

"Don't you know it's rude to put your hands up a girl's shirt on the first date? You didn't even buy me dinner."

When Hermione finally made it to Harry's hiding place she was barefoot, wearing only a dead Dementor's robe and no longer on fire. Her rib had returned to its place in her chest, a curious tattoo like mark scrawled itself across her skin over the bone.

Harry blathered on excitedly to her as soon as he saw her, completely oblivious to her appearance.

"It was me, this whole time I thought it was my dad but it was me. I cast the patronus, I could because I knew I already had, does that make sense?"

"No, we need to go, the Dementors are gone but we need to be in place to save Sirius, come on." Harry might not have noticed her appearance but he heard something in her tone, and completely misinterpreted it.

"Oh come on Hermione, don't be jealous just because I single handedly defeated an army of Dementors." She smiled tightly.

"Don't worry, I'm not."

* * *

The following morning Hermione sat at the breakfast table, fiddling with a thin length of wood she had picked up the night before to cover her lack of wand. Around the hall whispered were ripe with theories on what had happened the night before, Ron sat nearby with Harry, gorging himself on food as the dark haired wizard explained his version of what had happened the night before.

Luna skipped over to the table and sat next to the pensive older witch with no warning, beneath the table top Luna tapped Hermione with a wand and held it out for the brunette, when she took it Hermione was surprised, and pleased, to find it was the wand she had lost the night before.

"Thank you," she whispered to the blond, who nodded and stole the jam coated toast from her plate. Hermione examined the other girl closely, feeling the cold burn of the death's flame behind her eyes go from a dull smoulder to a light burn. Before her eyes Luna's form wavered and changed, she seemed to be every age at once, from every age at once.

The elder of the two leaned over slowly, giving the younger time to move away, and laid her forehead against Luna's crown, whispering quietly in her ear: "Hello Time."

Luna whispered back "Hello Death," and pressed the last bite of toast to Hermione's lips. Hermione took it in her fingers, moving back from Luna before popping the bite in her mouth and spreading jam on several more pieces of toast.

Several dozen people gave them odd looks, her boys included.

* * *

Yes Luna is an agent for time as Hermione is for Death.

Sorry if I offended any one.

But tough, my story I'll write what I want.

THANKS TO GOLOJOLO WHO IS MY FIRST REAL REVIEWER... even if it was technically a comment and not a review... just sayin'.

Seriously I was reading this fic and it was the most Gary-stu'd Harry fic I'd ever read. It had several hundred reviews, half of them saying: woo!1! i lov ur work its awsum and i thing its teh best story eva and you shud rite moar and i luv you...

and I'm going stop because typing that physically hurt me.

But really, could I get some love too please, I even spell most of y words right. Why does nobody like me?

...

...

I'm going to go hide in the Destiel section for a while...

kay... bye... i'll be goi- #gets tackled by flying Granger!Verse!PlotBunny#

DAMNIT.


	12. Division

Granger Verse | Jeanne Collection | Blue Ice Verse

Reality: Blue Ice Verse follows sometime after Homework Harrasment

Main Characters: (HP) Snape, Dumbledore, McGonagall; Hermione, Ron, Voldemort , James Potter (as Background) Penny Cooper (OC, points to those who get the reference/ship)

Bashing: N/A (Puppet master/Blinded by his own light!Dumbledore trope is touched on. Also possessive!Ron trope.)

Warnings: My typos and spleling/ lack of beta. Social Bullying/academic sabotage

Pairings: N/A

Adoptability: Full, just drop me a line first so there's no 'oh my god someone stole this/you stole this' where I then have to go wait what,' and instead can go 'it's not stole, it's adopted, read the authors notes more.'

* * *

Minerva and Severus shared a look of disgust as they left Albus's office.

Severus hated teaching, loathed it with a burning passion and the only reason he hadn't left years ago was because Albus wouldn't let him. Severus hated teaching but he took his job seriously, and tried to do his best, so when the annoyingly bright Miss Granger had been the victim of academic bullying and sabotage, Severus did his job.

He'd alerted Minerva, as head of house for both the victim and the perpetrator(s), he'd given her the evidence and his suspicions and they'd taken it to Dumbledore, who should then have alerted the board of governors, and had an inquiry launched.

That was not what had happened.

Dumbledore, in his _infinite wisdom_ had decreed it an indiscretion of youth and hand waived the entire thing. It was only 'a small mistake after all, I think young Mister Weasley deserves a _second chance_.' And the headmaster had pinned the potions professor with a look that held annoyingly 'benevolent' undertones.

Yes, Severus had killed people and caused pain and suffering after he had fallen into Voldemort's sway, but Dumbledore had given him a second chance so surely something so small as a child acting out should be forgiven.

Forgiven as Tom Riddle's childish acts had been forgiven, even as they led him further down the path towards his future as Voldemort; forgiven as James Potter's acts had been forgiven, even as the pushed and shoved Severus down the path into Voldemort's persuasive arms and ideals.

Ron Weasley would get away with this, would begin to believe he could get away with anything, and Severus knew why.

The Weasley family had always been 'aligned with the light,' and having Harry be best friends with one would surely keep 'the chosen one' on the 'right path.'

Dumbledore seemed happy to ignore the fact that even a good harvest could have a rotten apple in it somewhere, and Ron Weasley looked to be the rottenest thing in the orchard.

"What do you want to do Severus? We can hardly go over Albus's head with this, but something must be done."

"I'd like to expel the brat, but to do that, we'd need to do just that. Probation and suspension require much the same, the only thing left we can do is take points and put him in detention until he graduates, but I get the feeling he'd be excused from on high in a week or less.

"Then, there's the students who aided this act; the twins, that Brown girl, though I suspect she didn't realise it would be going so far, she still should have known better."

"Severus, perhaps we're looking at this the wrong way, instead of punishing those who did wrong, perhaps we should focus on helping the victim. I' not saying we can't punish the perpetrators at all, but perhaps balance the equation somehow?"

Severus stood stock still, an idea blossoming in his mind.

"Minerva, are you aware of a delightful thing the muggles have called 'student teachers' and 'teacher's aides?'"

Minerva raised an eyebrow.

* * *

A week and a half later as students sat down to dinner they were confused to find the food not appearing right away. When they noticed a new face at the teacher's table, they became even more perplexed, at least those who hadn't recently been called to a meeting with the heads of house to discuss schooling.

Even then, thanks to Dumbledore's blanket of secrecy on the 'Ron's Homework Theft', only the students in that class that had been interviewed had all the facts.

"Due to recent concerns about student academia," McGonagall began, "there's been a change to the teaching staff; for the rest of the year we will be trialling a new class format with the aid of the young Miss Cooper.

"Some of you may remember Penny Cooper, she graduated two years ago at the top of her class in potions, during the two years since she's been apprenticed to one of the greatest potions masters in Britain, not currently working at Hogwarts. Miss Cooper has kindly agreed to return to us as a teacher's aide to assist in the new Potions Class format we will be trialling."

Minerva had to wait for a minute for the chatter to die down.

"Additionally, Potions classes will now be held in the south room of the second floor; the door will be clearly marked for the next two weeks until you've all learnt your way. That is all."

The student body was so stunned, only the two students who'd been expecting such an event noticed when the food appeared and dug in quite happily.

* * *

Minerva, Severus and Penny had sat down and had a very long discussion on the events that led to Penny's employment when they first asked her to join their staff. The young woman had been shocked and enraged to find out that such a thing was going on, and worse, the headmaster was doing nothing about it.

The trio had broken down the students into three levels: those who needed a work space and a goal and could figure it out for themselves with little supervision or by talking to each other; those who wanted to learn but needed assistance and someone to answer questions; those who didn't want to learn and were only there because they had to be.

With these levels in mind the new potions room was designed.

Three separate areas of work stations, separated by transparent divider walls facing outward in a circle around a centre circle of shelves. The shelves were there for students to put their things out of the way, the stations, far enough apart to enter and exit the work area, faced outwards to prevent distraction or unnecessary gossip between students.

The work tops were set up identically with a heating space for their cauldrons, an ingredients preparation area and an adjustable rest for their notes or instructions. Many of the alterations had been Penny's idea, being both muggle born and raised, the former student had had access to muggle chemistry labs and used muggle ideas to help the magical class.

Including stools that slid under the desk, hidden out of the way while students were standing; and protective gear to be worn while making potions.

The new classroom setup and in class levels were appreciated by most students, even those in the third level who didn't want to be there.

Ron Weasley however was another story.

The week before the McGonagall's speech, the students were given numbers – one to three – by Snape as they left his dungeon classroom for the last time. When they arrived at the new class the next week, they understood what the numbers were for.

The three work areas were clearly labelled with a number and, and most students made their way to the correct one. Except Ron, who pushed Neville off his seat so Ron could sit next to Harry at the level two stations.

"Mister Weasley, you are in the wrong seat, please take your place in the area three seats." Snape's voice carried clearly throughout the room, Cooper's frown as she checked Neville over for injury promised a swift retribution should she find any.

"But I'm sitting here, you didn't care where we sat before." Ron unwisely spoke back.

"Yes and that was before, you have been given an assigned seating as part of the trial and you will use it or you will be kicked out of the class-"

"Like anyone wants to be here anyway," Harry winced as Ron whispered to him. Snape carried on like he hadn't been interrupted.

"-and you will spend all your evenings from now until you graduate taking make up classes after school hours, and should you fail those, you will simply have to repeat this year of schooling."

"Fine, come on Harry," Harry winced again as Ron made another decision for him.

"Actually Ron, I'm assigned to area 2 seating."

"Well move around and I'll sit across from you so we can still see each other through-" Snape tapped his wand against the dividers between area three and two. The short wall became translucent so the area on the other side was little more than a blur.

"Thirty points from Gryffindor for disrupting the class and back chatting a teacher; to your seat Mr Weasley, or would you rather detention for the rest of your school career?"

Ron pulled a face and made his way, grudgingly, to the area three seating. Harry spared an embarrassed and apologetic look at Neville who smile weakly back. Severus began snapping out orders for the area three's to follow while Penny got the area two's started.

Over in area one Hermione and the others were already several minutes into their potion of the day, occasional comments flying around the area.

* * *

So semi sequel to Homework Harassment, ummm... yeah...

Not saying Snape's a good guy, but I really just wanted to fix him a little, fix the whole potions class a lot, and yeah, Ron's behaviour in the first... all the books just bothers me.

Just in case anyone is wondering this is roughly how I set up the Slytherin/Gryffindor Potions class.

Hermione, Daphne, Blaze, Tracy in area one

Harry, Neville, Lavender, Parvarti, Dean, Seamus in area two

Ron, Draco, Crabbe, Goyle, Pansy in area three.

And yeah I know, Draco is supposed to be this big potions expert, but he spends most of his class harassing and sabotaging other students.

...

I can has reviews now?


	13. Sally Anne Perks must DIE

Granger Verse | Jeanne Collection | Cringe Verse

Reality: Canon divergence point/xo series

Main Characters: (HP) Hermione, Ginny, Fake!Sally Anne Perks, Supa!Harry, Dumbledore, Hogwarts cast (as Background)

Bashing: N/A Super!Harry/MarySue Tropes

Warnings: My typos and spleling/ lack of beta. Super!Harry and MarySue Tropes. UTTER DESTRUCTION OF THE FOURTH WALL, DEGREDATION OF LANGUAGE, **HOMOPHOBIC SLUR**

Pairings: N/A Super!HarryXFake!Perks

Adoptability: Full, just drop me a line first so there's no 'oh my god someone stole this/you stole this' where I then have to go wait what,' and instead can go 'it's not stole, it's adopted, read the authors notes more.'

* * *

IT HURT TO TYPE THIS. I'M SO SORRY!

* * *

Ginny found Hermione in the library, deep in the stacks near the back-most wall where almost no student went.

Hermione looked up from the large tome she was reading as a very nervous Ginny approached.

"AH, Girl Friday, does Harry need something researched or are you here about… that." Ginny cringed and Hermione had her answer. The older witch crooked her fingers in a 'come hither' motion and Ginny sidled up to her side, peering at the large book with interest as Hermione confirmed Ginny's suspicions and explained just what was going on.

* * *

_Sally Anne Perks strode down the halls of Hogwarts with more confidence than her thirteen years would suggest she have. Her perfectly pert and perk G-cup breasts bouncing just the right amount as her perfect fishnet clad legs pumped perfectly down the hallway._

_Her perfect hair trailing luxuriously behind her in a perfect trail of luxurious hair. Her fantastically perfect butt was easily visible in her modest super tiny mini skirt of chasteness. Her rainbow coloured eyes glowed with all the mystical energy ever in the universe._

_I mean she was perfect, how could they not right?_

_Because I am just so fantastic and all, after all I am Sally Anne Perks and I'm half Veela, so it's natural that my flawless skin shimmer like sun kissed stars._

_Our super foxy totally perfect protagonist continued down the hallway, all the boys in Hogwarts trailing behind her perfect slow-motion walking figure._

* * *

Ginny threw up in her mouth and a sour frown marred Hermione's face.

"Ginny, it's worse than we thought, she's begun to glitter and there was definitely narration going on. We're running out of time."

* * *

_In the great Hall I ate with perfect poise and grace, all the boys wanted me, I could tell, and sum of the girls two witch is groose. But my heart was set on Lord Harry James Potter Black Grindewald Gryffindor Slytherin Ravenclaw Hufflepuff Emrys Pendragon Peverell Riddle Xavier Dumbledore Snape._

_Sally Anne and Harry were soulbonded soul mates afterall and they could read eachothers minds and thoughts and stuff. I mean they were just so close you know?_

* * *

"Ginny, ever since you were little you've had a pocket watch that doesn't work, sometimes though you think you hear echoes coming from it correct?"

Ginny didn't/hadn't.

"In fact," Hermione continued, "it's in your pocket right now. It looks like this." The brunet pulled a pocket watch from her own pocket, Ginny nodded and did the same, trying her best to ignore the fact she'd _never_ owned such a thing.

"It's the truth of who you are, who you were. Our race; open it." The two girls opened the watches almost in synch. Light like a solar flare wrapping around them both, filling them with impossible knowledge.

When the light died down the two were left looking at each other.

"Ah," Ginny exclaimed quietly, "clever, using the 'Deterioration of the Fourth Wall' Phenomenon to procure the knowledge and tools to fight an anomaly of this variation, Time Lords, just the thing; Time Ladies rather, oh dear seems I'm a bit of a babbler. I'm The Duchess, shall we stop this interloper?"

"I'm The Archivist; it would be my genuine pleasure."

* * *

"_And then after lunch I thought we could destroy Valdemart and his HUcrucxes and then we culd get merried ibn abutiful ceremony and I could wear a wite dress and be perfect bluching bride."_

"_But the Prophecy says only Harry can stop Voldemort," Dumbledre seds. Sally Anne Perks flipped her perfect luxurious shimmering neon locks over her shouilder._

"_Tosh and bother, I'm Harry's secret twin sister lost at birth, I'm the real childe of profesy. I can stop voldemort just fine with the power of my LOVE!" Sally Anne thrust her breasts out to emphesize her POWER OF LOVE.!11!11!_

_Suddenly the doors to the Grand HAll bust open suddenly and Hermione, the scrawny frizzy haired buk teethed bookwurm bust in with Ginny, the boyish jinger at her side._

* * *

The duo shuddered.

"Urhg," Hermione's exclamation sounded around the great hall, "I could feel the bad writing in that narration. Susan Marie! You are under arrest, remove your really bad glamour and return Sally Anne Perks' old student ID."

* * *

"_Wit R U Talking abot, lol I'm the reel Sully OIn Pirks." I stoodf up couragesly against the tow jelus bctehis, my supa funtsatic boody glowing wit ritchus powah._

* * *

"I think I may be sick," Ginny murmured to Hermione before raising her voice. "Sally Anne Perks transferred out of Hogwarts after her first year. Furthermore: you have an entirely unrealistic body shape for a thirteen year old."

"Harry was infected with an Improbability Virus, it slipped through the layers of the multi-verse and began changing the fabric of reality; this warping drew Susan Marie – class 3 Mary-Sue – to our realm, she's set to turning everyone to worship her so she can take their powers and feast on their souls." Hermione added. The entirety of the great hall muttered amongst themselves, their voices like a swarm.

It couldn't be true could it; Sally Anne Perks couldn't be a lie surely? But then, this was Hermione Jane Granger speaking, and Ginny Weasley backing her up. Logic began to creep back into reality.

* * *

_Susan Marie felt the shift in her power as her God half began to deminsh, she new she'd have to rely on the magic of her magical blood and heritage and the strength of her vampire half, and her lycan half, and her werewolf half, and her giant half and strike._

_With a perfectly gorgeous snarl that was just a little ugly around the edges, Susan Marie lept at the two witches who were the crux of her problem. _

* * *

Hermione and Ginny raised their wands – but they weren't wands – an odd whirring issuing from the lit bulbs on the end; Susan Marie stopped in her track and clutched her head in pain. The false glamour of the perverted appearance of Sally Anne Perks melted away.

What was left was a hideous mass of… _stuff_ no one was able to describe. Hermione held out a jar towards the creature and it was sucked in like debris down a whirlpool. Ginny slammed the lid on quickly and together the duo sealed the container.

The inhabitants of the great hall gave a collective start as if they were all waking from a dream and Dumbledore frowned at the witches in the doorway.

"Miss Granger, Miss Weasley, what are you doing loitering, there's supper to be had." The headmaster's eyes twinkled knowingly.

"Does he remember?" Ginny asked quietly as she and Hermione made their way to their seats.

"Doubtful, only those who were _fully_ aware of the phenomenon will remember, he's just being a trope. Speaking of, make the best of being a Time Lady while it lasts, with 'her' contained the Fourth Wall will begin to repair itself and the Improbability Anomalies will fade away."

"Thanks for your help Archivist."

"No worries Duchess."

* * *

I AM SO SORRY!

I found this great comic online (Ensign Sue Must Die) and I decided to finally give in and do a Sue Parody.

Just So it's clear: in this fic Susan Marie mentally dialogues homosexuality as 'groose, (gross)' I would like to state definitively I am Pro-whatever-sexuality-you-want-to-be. Homosexual/Bisexual/Asexual/Pansexual/Heterosexual /?sexual.

I merely had Susan Marie say this (as well as several other things she said) because it seems to be a Mary Sue TROPE that the Sue in question is Heterosexual and anything she's not is bad; people writing Sue fics (esp. those who are serious about them) often portray 'bad guys' (of any gender) as Homosexuals, as if to say 'gay is bad.'

Which is bullshit.

I also had her use phrases like 'I mean,' and 'perfectxxxisperfect'; then there was the changing POV and terrible spelling (and the name change) which are also Sue Tropes.

Most (all) of them peeve me off and illustrate the reasons Sue's should be wiped from existence.

And before you say I've Sue'd Hermione: this is AU and she always obeys the Laws of the Verse, it's just not always close to Potter Verse.

BONUS PARTY:

I slipped a reference in here to a movie which has come out in the last... two years. (Or less)

If you can find it and you tell me in your review(and are the first to correctly do so) you can send me (PM) a prompt and I'll write a short for it.

Conditions:

1) Your review will not count if it is solely the name of the movie and not an actual review

2) Your prompt must be related to (at least) one of the characters from the Potter or Granger Verse (preference no cross overs I may not know the other fandom)

3) It must not be a request for smut or abuse

4) Relationship requests to a minimum or side point and to be discussed after you win

Because let's be honest no one actually reviews this stuff of reads the A.N.s so I'm not going to have to do any work. #giggles until she falls off chair#


	14. Hermione and the Goblet

Granger Verse | Jeanne Collection | Galahad Verse

Reality: Canon divergence point/xo series

Main Characters: (HP) Hermione, Weasley Twins, McGonagall, Dumbledore, Hogwarts cast, Fourth year foreign students (as Background)

Bashing: British Wizarding Government blood purist propaganda (racism, classism, sexism)

Warnings: My typos and spleling/ lack of beta.

Pairings: N/A

Adoptability: Full, just drop me a line first so there's no 'oh my god someone stole this/you stole this' where I then have to go wait what,' and instead can go 'it's not stole, it's adopted, read the authors notes more.'

* * *

That one time at the Triwizard...

* * *

"It's not going to wo-ork," Hermione said in a sing song voice as the twins got close to the goblet. They turned their attention to her.

"Oh, why not?"

"See that line?" Hermione closed her book and indicated to the line, "That's an age line, Dumbledore drew it himself."

"Ah, so you think – that it will stop us -like we don't have a plan – to get around it – and maybe only you – could be capable of -out doing Dumbledore?"

"Something like that boys. Go on then, try your plan but I'll guarantee the headmaster has accounted for the use of... aging potions." Her eyes slipped momentarily to their pockets as she mentioned their 'plan.'

"Alright then – our raven lioness – if we fail and you succeed – you can have any prize you name – anything at all in our power."

"Well then, what are you two waiting for, time to get old."

The twins failed, in a spectacular manner as suited them, but failure it was. The duo laid on the ground, white hair and wrinkles, Hermione smiled smugly.

"Granger... Granger... Granger Granger GrangerGranger-" students took up the chanting of her name, even the geriatric twins chanted. Hermione shook her head, took a sheaf of parchment from her bag, cut off a strip with her wand and in careful handwriting jotted down her name. She stood, showing the identifying parchment to all students present, they hooted and hollered.

At the edge of the age line Hermione stopped and turned to face the suddenly silent masses.

"I'm doing this once, I will not put anyone else's name in, I do this not to compete in the tournament, I have no interest in an early grave, I do this to prove I can, shallow of me it may be." Turning in place again, facing the goblet once more she raised her hands slowly, letting them swim over the surface of the invisible wall of the age line, prodding with her magic she stimulated the remnants of the tacheon radiation she had absorbed last year and shifted it to the right frequency, once it reached the right pitch she stepped forward.

To the eyes of the other students she seemed to glow, both there and not there at the same time, calmly she dropped the parchment in the goblet and retreated, letting the tacheons settle down to their resting state once she cleared the line.

Everyone waited, not breathing for several moments as the waited for the paper to be ejected or the young witch to start aging. Neither happened.

"Hey, Hermes can you drop my name in?"

"Don't be stupid Ronald I told you just a few minutes ago I wouldn't, and do not call me 'Hermes,' it is not my name and you and I are not so familiar that you can nick name me." Hermione settled her shoulders, grabbed her things and with a flick of her wand, was floating the aged twins out the doors.

"Come along boys, I think Madam Pomfrey will be wanting a word."

"Stupid know-it-all bitch."

"I heard that Ronald."

* * *

Chosen

* * *

Hermione blinked, and blinked again.

"What? Sorry headmaster I've just had the strangest auditory hallucination, I thought for a moment there you were calling my name, ha, who just got selected as the Hogwarts Champion?"

The blank look at Hermione confirmed everything.

"Bollocks." Grudgingly she got up from the table and headed for the annex where the other two champions were waiting. She dragged her feet slowly enough that she was still in the room when Harry's name came out of the goblet.

They joined the other champions in the wing, and got sneered at by the older two.

"Oui, what do you want, do zey need us back in ze 'all?"

"No, Harry and I have also been selected by the goblet of fire."

"Surely you joke?"

"Ah, no Hermione's telling the truth."

Before the quartet could get into an argument the doors were slammed open and the upset professors and headmasters entered.

"Harry! Did you enter your name?" Dumbledore's voice carried loudest over the cacophony.

"No sir."

"Did you ask another student to enter you?"

"No sir."

"Miss Granger, did you do this."

"I had nothing to do with Harry's entrance into the Tournament."

"You're both sure, now is the time to speak up."

"This is ridiculous Headmaster," Snape spoke up, "Potter has been breaking rules and crossing lines since he got here, it's clear-"

"NO! I didn't enter the tournament, I don't want to compete."

"I'm afraid you have no choice Harry," Dumbledore told him, eye twinkling, "the moment your name came out of the goblet you entered a magically binding contract."

"In case anyone's interested I actually did put my name in." Hermione spoke up.

"Do you understand Harry, I am sorry but you must compete."

"It wasn't that I was doing it for a chance to compete-"

"If you try to withdraw you will have to suffer from the consequences."

"I just wanted to show up the twins, I was pretty spectacular." McGonagall glanced at her, she'd heard rumours of Hermione's glowing trick. The elder witch vowed to get the full story out of her young protégé, taking her to the side as Dumbledore impressed the importance of competing on Harry, completely ignoring the goblet's selection of Hermione as a champion.

The other headmasters tried to interfere with the Hogwarts headmaster's monologue, insisting Hogwarts could only have one champion.

"Professor McGonagall-"

"I heard, honestly miss Granger, did you have to show up the twins, surely this scenario occurred to you?"

"I had assumed there would be secondary safety measures, Harry's participation suggests there's been tampering which may have nullified them if they existed in the first place."

"Obviously, how did you manage to cross the line in the first place anyway? I heard tell of... glowing?" Hermione grinned at her professor.

"I exasperated the residual tacheon particles into an empathic resonant frequency with the age line and-" McGonagall waved her hand, cutting the young witch off. Hermione sighed and tried again.

"I used the magical residue from the time turner last year to fool the age line when it tried to read my time line limit to estimate my age."

"Cheeky."

"Clever."

"You'll get a lot of backlash for this."

"Harry is more famous, I might be first gen but he's an easier target because he's already been a target for fickle masses. I might as well let him be Hogwarts champion while I'm at it."

"Dumbledore was right about the contract."

"I'm not trying to not compete, I just won't be competing as a Hogwarts champion. Independent Study just got a school." Her grin reminded Minerva of a cat.

"Cheeky."

"...Fair cop."

"I'm sorry Harry that's just the way it is." the duo shared a look and an eye roll as Dumbledore restarted his 'Harry must compete' speech.

* * *

Dragon-proof

* * *

Hermione sighed in disgust; she'd pulled a small Swedish short-snout with the number one around its neck from the bag presented to her. She'd known the first task had contained dragons for an age and a half now, she'd come across the habitat while collecting ingredients for potions with Luna, Ginny, Lavender and the Patil twins.

Harry had thoughtfully tried to warn her about a week after she'd found out, she'd already sought out everything in the library on the four dragons involved, in exchange for his thoughtfulness she gave him all the relevant books, not that he'd read them.

Instead of researching the facts of the dragons, their habits and quirks, he'd looked high and low for ways to defeat dragons in general. He'd found nothing.

The miniature of the Short-snout grumbled and shifted in her hands, calling for her attention. Hermione listened as the champions were given their instructions, running magical scans over the simulacrum dragon twinning about her fingers.

The magic which created it was beginning to fade away, it would be gone in a few minutes. Hermione frowned and rubbed the tiny creature's head gently, saddened by the thought of its death. 'If it could hold on,' she thought to herself, 'just another hour or two I could get it to my work shop and make it a proper being, give it bones and skin and blood. It might be nice to have a pet dragon of such small stature; Hagrid would like it for sure.' The idea brought a smile to her face. Moving to a corner of the tent she pulled her wand from her hair bun and pressed one end to the dragon carefully.

"Live." She poured as much magic as she dared into the small snout-nose, shifting parts of the magical matrix that made it, editing part of its 'code' 'til it could retain its shape for several hours. The call for her to enter the area caught her attention and she grinned, "Come on you, time to face your big nasty side." The newly regenerated dragonette crawling up her arm and into her hood where it nestled contentedly.

She did her best to keep her breathing calm as she entered the area, but felt a light tremor in her hands anyway; she fixed her plan firmly in her mind and _breathed_. The starting alarm sounded and she acted. A sweep of her wand raised a thick bank of 'fog,' a mix of actual fog and reflective, magnetic particles. Her free hand pulled her goggles over her eyes, she had free use to use the equipment thanks to Lavender's insistence on using steampunk as inspiration for the Book Wyrm Academy uniform.

The enchantments on the goggle lens – standard academy issue – let her see clearly across the field. The real short-snout flapped its wings trying to clear the fog but the dense particles ensured it was unsuccessful. A quick twist of her wand as she made her way to the nest started a slow steady pulse like a war drum from afar, the phantom noise moved slowly around the perimeter, a second wand twitch and a round of conch shell trumpets joined the beat.

The Swedish dragon let loose a long breath of flame, missing Hermione by a great margin.

Just as Hermione ascended into the nest the short-snout retreated the several meters it had moved and returned to the nest. Quickly the witch drew a complicated looking design in the air. Before the dragon's proximity compromised Hermione's position a phantom pillar of heat passed right by the dragon's face and moved off to the arena wall, the dragon followed.

Every time it got to close or lost interest in the phantom hot spots a new one would buzz by its face, leading it away from Hermione. As she reached the exit of the arena, golden egg in a sling against her chest, Hermione let the 'cloud' lift, silenced the noise and dispersed the temperature anomalies. Waving to the crowd – or at least her few friends – she ducked out of the arena before the dragon figured out what was going on.

Madam Pomfrey declared her perfectly fine, pleased Hermione had sustained no injuries. The elder of the two witches even broke protocol and hugged the younger.

"Oh well done miss Granger, well done indeed, very clever use of conjuration charms and transfiguration of basic elements. I'm sure Minnie will be beaming, absolutely beaming. And not so much as a scratch or bruise. Oh well done."

"Thank you madam Pomfrey."

"Oh good heavens, what's that in your hood?"

"Oh, this? Just my draconic simulacrum, I've saved it from certain death, would you like to examine it too. I'm not sure my hood was the best place for it to take a nap."

Poppy scanned the little creature, surprised by how docile it was compared to its counterpart.

"Oh dear, I'm afraid it's fading away."

"I've still got a few hours though; I should be able to anchor it by then."

"Perhaps, you'll have to show me when you're done, I'll double check it for you."

"Thank you madam Pomfrey, most appreciated. I think the judges are about ready to give the scores now, may I?"

"Of course dear, I'll show you where to go."

Hermione stared unimpressed at the judges. A row of threes stared back at her.

"Why, may I ask, did I get such a low score?"

"You see miss Granger..." Dumbledore began, "we didn't." He looked at her expectantly like he'd just told the punch line of a great joke and was awaiting her laugh.

"You didn't what headmaster?"

"See, child, we did not see what you did." At Dumbledore's statement cries of outrage went up from most of the teachers and many of the older students, including those of the visiting schools.

"Albus you can't be bloody serious, that transfiguration of basic elements-"

"She clearly used high level auditory charms and-"

"-Conjuration of NEWT level Phantasmagorium how could you-"

"-no injuries or damage to the eggs or the dragons what-"

The calls clamoured over each other, even Snape looked perturbed by the low scoring.

"SILENCE!" Dumbledore's voice drowned out the others. "Now," his voice calm again, eye twinkling, "the scores have already been given out, there's no changing it now I'm afraid."

Hermione shook her head in disgust and marched away. Multiple spectators left the stands, most her fellow Wyrms.

"What a load of bollocks, it's because you're a girl and a muggleborn, its pure bias is what it is." Ginny seethed as she reached Hermione.

"No duh," Lavender said coming along side, "more importantly how did the uniform go?"

"Oh honestly," Hermione laughed at the blonde's priorities, "it went fine, very comfortable, great movability and my new friend enjoyed the hood." Almost as though it knew it was being discussed, the simulacrum stuck its head out of the hood. "Good thing I let you talk me into the goggles Lav' thanks." The blonde had already been distracted though.

"Awww, it's adorable in a 'so ugly and small' kind of way."

* * *

Egg-cellent

* * *

After Harry opened his egg in the common room, his heroes welcome hurtful next to everyone's snubbing her, Hermione considered the egg's shriek. It was a clue obviously but not in any audible language she was familiar with.

She'd once seen a procedural cop show where a damaged sound file had solved a case, the distorted file had been run through several filters, so Hermione made a list of all the ways to alter sound via magic, and several non-magic muffling techniques.

In the end she skipped several when she realised the noise became more like speech when she used spells to thicken the air, the dense fog she'd used to muffle it had led her to jump ahead to try non magical muffling strategies. In the Gryffindor girls showers she and Ginny set up a shield in one stall and blocked the drain while the water ran, once it got to a suitable height they could sit submersed in Hermione opened the egg.

"Come seek us where our voices sound

we cannot sing above the ground

just one hour you'll have to look

and recover what we took."

The decoding didn't take very long.

"So obviously it's not an above ground event, based on the fact that _water_ made the clue audible it's likely it's an underwater event not an underground thing. The whole thing is on school grounds and the only source of water that could hold an event of size is the Black Lake, so hour long scavenger event in the Lake."

"You'll need a way to stay under for an hour."

"There should be several methods, transfiguration and potions, likely some charms, we'll head to the library and see what we can find."

"Alright, perhaps we should start with the Black Lake itself, see what sort of things live there and any information on its shape and underwater structure, likely hiding places."

"Good thinking 99."

"I'm sorry?"

"Oh muggle television show, Maxwell Smart and his Lady companion agent 99, they're spies who work for the good guys; Max is the main character but 99 is the brains, he often says 'good thinking 99,' it's a thing."

"Ok."

* * *

Mermaid to the rescue

* * *

Hermione tapped the flat rear side of the talisman's shell against her hand repeatedly, she'd been unable to locate Ginny since the night before, the second task was about to start and none of Hermione's personal belongings were missing. Given the facts Hermione really didn't like where this was going.

The contestants were called to the starting line and she knew she couldn't wait any more, the trial had to be done and it was likely Ginny was waiting for her at the end.

Standing on the edge of the dock Hermione slid the talisman over her head; it had been several weeks' worth of work, consorting with McGonagall and Babbling to put it together, Ginny helping where she could. It was high level magic and the two teachers had been concerned and amazed that Hermione had thought to try it and been able to pull it off, at least in tests.

When the signal to start went of Hermione dived into the water and with a burst of controlled magic activated the talisman. A pull and an itch, a twist and crackle, her bones and skin shifted, legs melding together into a strong finned tail. Her body adapted into what muggles commonly thought of as a mermaid, half woman half fish, silver-gold scales coating her tail and a sports bra of water proof material on top for modesty.

The powerful tail flicked, the softer cartilage and skin of the fluke swishing in the water as she tested her mobility, a quick 'point-me-Ginny' spell and she was away, travelling at near improbable speeds through the Lake.

She found the ginger witch suspended in the centre of the Merrow village along with Ron, a young blonde girl with a striking resemblance to Fleur and a boy from Durmstrang.

A basic scan spell showed a form of water-submergence stasis charm was affecting them.

Hermione asked one of the nearby mer-guards about the other contestants' progress, Harry was fighting kelpies, Krum had gone in the wrong direction but was making his way to the city; it was the news of Fleur that concerned Hermione.

"The other she is gone from our waters, fire thing couldn't take the depths, scared off by the pets in the weeds."

"Then may I take her hostage as well, I can carry them both, you would only have to return the little one later and she is a fire thing also, is she not? Best get her from the depths."

The guard looked at her suspiciously.

"Only one may be taken by each seeker. The old legged has said."

"The old legged would surely not begrudge this? To help a child in danger, it is the way of my clan to protect those in need, is not also yours?"

"Let the false one take the children." The city's leader swum into view, "we did not ask for them to come here, the old one can have them back, it does us no harm."

"I thank you, may the currents always provide you what you need."

"Bountiful tides land walker."

Hermione made a light slashing motion with her wand, cutting the ropes that bound Ginny and the blonde girl while ensuring there was sufficient length. The loose rope was wrapped around them in a harness and Hermione swum them to the surface, a spell to create a raft of warm ice slipping from her wand before she broke through.

Ginny, though disorientated, was quick to follow Hermione's instructions to help the French girl into the raft before climbing up after, a few drying spells were cast and the trio made their way back to shore, the rope from Ginny and the blonde now harnessing Hermione to the ice raft as she dragged it to the dock.

Despite being first, and saving Gabrielle, regardless of her excellent forethought and 'home' made amulet Hermione was once again grant a score of 12, three points per judge – allegedly due to 'outside magic' being used to transform her, as though she had purchased the amulet, thus cheated.

This time when the students and teachers revolted the decision Fleur stood beside Hermione and joined in, causing all the French students to rally to Hermione's cause.

Several dozen witches, from all blood classes approached Hermione later to commission Mermaid amulets.

It turned out being a mermaid wasn't just a dream almost every muggle girl had at one point in their young life.

* * *

A mazing

* * *

The contestants waited outside the maze, Hermione on a sunlounge she had conjured up, Fleur sitting next to her chatting about holiday plans while the boys stood around awkwardly.

Up in the stands Ginny and Luna were positioning floating cameras via remote control, several dozen spread in a grid pattern that covered the entire maze. The picture sent back to a viewing lens giving the duo an overall view of the maze.

The rest of the students and the teachers who supported Hermione all had similar smaller screens which allowed them to view any of the camera feeds so they could follow whomever they wanted in the maze.

Unlike the viewing screen Ginny and Luna were operating the smaller screens could only access one camera feed at a time. The main screen, in addition to a whole maze overview, was also set to run a navigational algorithm Hermione had spent weeks creating.

Having noticed there seemed to be a worrisome twist on all the events so far Hermione concluded it was unlikely the third task would be as simple as a maze.

Together with her friends Hermione had gone through everything that could be done to the maze to make the task more difficult.

Traps in the form of magical creatures and shifting walls were the most likely. Although animal traps only gained more credibility after they were able to confirm shipments of live creatures into the school thanks to Charlie.

Hermione grinned as she noticed a faint green glow in several of the camera spheres, that was one problem worked on. Ginny, Luna and McGonagall had already marked out one of the paths to the centre, the program Hermione had written would calculate the routes they found and reveal the most efficient path.

The girls in the audience should only need to do it once, after that the program was designed to look for routes fitting the parameters: Hermione to Centre of Maze; Most efficient path.

Unfortunately it wouldn't alert her to traps, but that's what the new enchantment on her goggles was for. Which she'd soon be using.

The tournament officials were finally getting things underway. Hermione shouted out 'Good Luck' to Harry as he headed off into the maze, Victor followed shortly after. Fleur and Hermione were able to sit around for another minute before the French witch went in. Hermione considered conjuring up a chocolate sundae for herself while she waited but decided against it, no sense giving herself a stomach ache mid maze, or worse, a brain freeze before she even made it in.

As her entry time got closer she finally removed herself from the sunlounge and began to stretch out her muscles gently.

She finished and pulled her goggles down over her eyes, just as her start time hit due, and took off into the bushy labyrinth like a shot, pelting pell-mell through the green corridors chasing the glowing path of the orbs above her.

A minute in the orbs flared red in her goggle improved sight and she came to a halt, tripping and rolling with the sudden stop. Around her the maze walls shifted, warped and changed. She waited for a moment, then two as the camera orbs went dark.

She almost cursed when they lit back up, she'd have to recover ground, going back the way she'd come in order to get back to the most efficient path. With a growl she got back up and started running.

Four more shifts in the maze and Hermione refused to run again, having to keep recovering ground. She looked up at the nearest camera orb and lit the end of her wand. In the air between her and the camera she wrote 'Run Permutation Scan' then flipped the words around so Ginny could read it. Hermione knew the younger witch had gotten the message when all the orbs lit up in the soft blue of standby mode. From behind her Hermione heard a rustling, turning slowly she came face to face with a Sphinx.

Hermione quickly dropped into a polite curtsey.

"Evening," her salutation went unanswered as the Sphinx stared at her.

"What has roots as nobody sees, is taller than trees up, up, up it goes and yet, never grows?"  
"A mountain; thirty white horses upon a red hill, first they champ, then they stamp then they stand still?"  
"Teeth; voiceless it cries, wingless it flutters, toothless bites, mouth-less utters?"  
"The wind; A box without hinges, key or lid, yet golden treasure inside is hid?"

"An Egg; All things it devours, birds, beasts, trees, flowers, gnaws irons, bites steel, grinds hard stone to meal?"

"Time; which we could while away all night but I must be going."

"NO, no stay, stay, I've not had such fun in an age. Go on, ask me another one, ask me a question."

Hermione eyed the sphinx carefully, considering the wording.

"From the beginning what are the ten radical isotopes?"

"What? That's not fair that's not a riddle."

"You said ask a question, if you can't answer well then…Sphinxes tend to eat those that can't answer – correctly or otherwise – now I have no intentions to eat you so instead if you can't answer correctly you'll have to escort me to the centre of the maze and ensure I leave this labyrinth unharmed."

"Very well, my answer is this: there's no such thing as a radical isotope. You thought me fooled but I know the greatest minds of the scientific community."

"Of the ancient world perhaps because you are wrong.  
'From the beginning, the ten radical isotopesare:

Tucharium, Neg 5

Dongor, Neg 17

Lu, Neg 31

Kartex, Neg 79

Sharbar, Neg 101

Ulanium, Neg 127

Hyduron, Neg 173

Simonsium, Neg 211

Metite, Neg 239

Krasnov, Neg 307

From the beginning, these are the ten radical isotopes.'"

Hermione wished she had a camera with her down in the maze because she wasn't certain the orbs were getting a clear picture of the dumbfounded look on the Sphinx's face.

"Keep your word." The witch glanced up just in time to see the red warning flash of the orbs. Around them the maze shifted and the orbs lit up in a honey gold colour. "This way," Hermione flung over her shoulder as she raced ahead of the Sphinx.

A short time later the Sphinx voiced some concern when they turned into a dead end and Hermione kept going full tilt at the wall.

"Trust me," she shouted back. The orbs flashed, the maze changed and before them was no longer a wall but another corridor. The Permutation Scan had been a tricky bit of work to create; Hermione had called in both Arithmancy and Rune professors, who were actually quite confused by the project initially.

Using the maps of the mazes variations the program calculated the way it changed and what the new routes would be and, based on Hermione's average running speed and endurance calculated the new route she would need to take so as not to have to keep looping back every change.

Hermione and the Sphinx made excellent time to the centre of the maze, only losing a few milliseconds as the fought their way through a small Acromantula colony; Hermione flinging spells and curses, the Sphinx leaping about in aerobatic display to shred the spiders with her powerful claws.

Hermione may have dropped some markers – small emergency portkeys – amongst the remains but she wouldn't be admitting it to the officials or Hagrid.

She and the Sphinx were the first to the centre, evident by the trophy still being on the pedestal. Hermione stopped on by the trophy, her hand hovering just above it.

"Thank you for your aide, it's been an honour running with you," for the second time that night the witch shocked the Sphinx, the ancient creature, unsure what to say, bowed her head in reply and watched as Hermione was portkeyed out of the arena.

In the gravest of circumstance

Hermione hit the ground with an 'oomph' as the portkey spat her out. The trophy fell from her hand as she rolled, stopping at the base of a gravestone.

Tentatively Hermione pushed herself into a squatting position, ready to move at the slightest provocation.

Nearby she heard footsteps over the muddy ground and cloth rustling. Looking around she located the trophy, her goggles showing clearly the presence of a portkey enchantment. Either it would take her back to the maze to the pedestal, to the podium like it was supposed to or somewhere else entirely.

Taking her chances Hermione accioed the trophy to her, just as the other person in the graveyard came into view.

A shrill scream of 'kill her' sounded across the gap between them and Hermione's hand closed around the trophy handle just as a green spell was flung her way, missing her by scant millimetres as the portkey activated.

Air was once again shoved from her lungs as she was unceremoniously dumped onto the podium outside the maze.

"Congratulations Harry I knew you… Miss Granger, what are you doing there?" Hermione looked up at Dumbledore with a scowl.

"Winning, mister Dumbledore." Her goggles revealed the portkey enchantment had dissipated so she hoisted the trophy above her head. In the audience the French students and Hermione's Hogwarts supporters cheered loudly, trying to drown out the booing from the Durmstrang and Hogwarts students who didn't support her.

"Now see here Miss Granger, clearly you've cheated."

"Miss Granger," Rita Skeeter appeared at the edge of the podium, "Miss Granger, how does it feel to win the tournament?"

"Hard Earned!"

The clamouring took a long time to die down, when the officials refused to give Hermione her prize money and title as champion she signalled to Susan Bones who quickly made her way up to the podium with her aunt in tow while people were sent in to retrieve the other three champions.

It took several more days before any movement was made towards Hermione receiving her due rewards as actual champion of the tournament. The officials spent most of that time pouring through all the rules they could find to label Hermione a cheater. Naturally Hermione had already done the research and knew she'd broken none of the rules, they'd find nothing to disavow her winning.

Public outrage from the hoitiest and toitiest of pureblood poured in, Hermione received piles of hate mail from them.

From the muggle borns she received a small amount of praise, until Collin Creevey and Luna Lovegood teamed up to do an article on her story and posted it out to all the students and their families. Then the influx of support managed to push the tournament officials into a corner.

Even with all the money the purebloods had the rest of the magical community and their families, and the French magical government managed to become a much fiercer opponent, threatening to move their children to the French schools which were offering scholarships for those who decided to leave.

Under public pressure and with no rules, or loopholes, to support their distaste for Hermione's heritage, the ministry finally okay'd Hermione's win.

With McGonagall's help she transferred the prize money over to muggle banks before the ministry could talk the goblins into wrapping up her winnings in red tape and fees.

* * *

"I'm sick of this, fighting to take every centimetre even where they should be freely given. I've had enough."

"Aye, I know the feeling; we're trying to change things, that's what the Girl's Study Group is all about Hermione."

"I know, but you saw how hard it was just to get them to admit I'd won even when all the evidence was in our favour. We only won because we were able to get public favour. Sooner or later it's going to work against us, especially with the pure bloods introducing new monetary laws. They'll get richer, everyone else will get poorer, they're destroying their own economy just to keep us all down.

"They've started firing muggleborns left and right, anyone who was on their way up the food chain is getting kicked straight down to the bottom. I won this fight and everyone else is paying for it. Even if I gave the money back and bowed out they'd just make it seem like they'd been right all along, like I cheated. It wouldn't stop this scouring of muggle borns from the ranks."

"Hermione, I know it's not easy to accept-"

"No, it's not, because we shouldn't have to!"

"-but what can we do?"

"…leave. I can leave. We both know I could pass the year seven exams with no trouble, I'm only going through the years because Dumbledore refuses to let me test out. Of course most of the time he finds way to call off the end of year exams. This system is broken; maybe I can make a better one. Want to help?"

* * *

ummmm... yes... #hides#

...

I've made two pop culture references (intentionally) prizes if you can find them.

Review rules as mentioned in last chapter apply.

#hides again#


	15. The gods must be crazy all chapters

Granger Verse | Jeanne Collection | The Gods must be Crazy Verse

Reality: Non DH compliant Time Travel DO OVER! Verse merge (read:Theft) Various Anime

Main Characters: (HP) Hermione, Harry, Daphne, Hannah, Susan, Neville, Myrtle, Luna, Hedwig, Crookshanks, The Sorting Hat, Hogwarts cast (as Background)

Bashing: N/A

Warnings: My typos and spleling/ lack of beta. EXTREME CRACK! I APOLOGISE FOR NOTHING!

Pairings: N/A

Adoptability: Full, just drop me a line first so there's no 'oh my god someone stole this/you stole this' where I then have to go wait what,' and instead can go 'it's not stole, it's adopted, read the authors notes more.'

* * *

"Well, good luck to us eh?"  
"I can't believe you're actually going to trust me with this."  
"You are the brightest witch of our age, and my best friend, I'd trust you with anything."  
"Mmmm… Alright, here goes nothing."

* * *

Harry Potter awoke to his darkened cupboard under the stairs. 'Well damn,' he thought peevishly, 'Hermione miscalculated; further proof the world really was ending.'

* * *

Hermione Granger jolted upright, eyes scanning the unfamiliar room quickly. It took her a minute to place but finally she recognised her location: her old room. At least it looked like her old room, before she and her parents had changed it, before she'd received the letter that changed her life. Glancing at her desk she saw the calendar then, using her second favourite language she screamed loudly.

"KUSO!"

Downstairs the doctors Granger stared, rather startled at the stairs, and the bedroom beyond.

* * *

"So, are you going to tell us what was so bad you just had to scream 'Kuso,'" Mr Granger asked raising an eyebrow as his family at breakfast. The TV in the background was down low and Hermione slowly, procrastinatingly, dragged her eyes from the Saturday morning cartoons her parents insisted she watch. The young witch, and young she was once more, took a deep breath and gazed at her parents calmly.

"Mother, father, I'm a witch, several weeks from now after we finish my bedroom's make over I will receive a letter informing me so and inviting me to go to a special school for magically inclined children, ages eleven and up.

"In my first year I'll be attack by a troll, help two other students defeat a rather useless gauntlet of traps to save a magical artefact from a possessed professor; second year I'll be petrified by an ancient beast but still manage to aid my friend in finding and destroying it and an evil artefact which will possess a first year student.

" In my third year a dangerous murderer will escape from an unescapable prison and hunt down my friend, only it will turn out that the murderer is his godfather, who was framed and is actually innocent and the real murderer was hiding in the school for the past several years.

"My fourth year the school will host a tournament which my best friend will be forced to compete in, the tournament will end with the death of an older student and the resurrection of a dark wizard and his cult of anti-mundanes. Magical neo-Nazis really, if you're not magical or if you come from a non-magical back ground they think you deserve to die, quite pathetic to be honest but still rather terrifying.

"Fifth year will see myself, my best friend and dozens of other persecuted because the 'government' that pretends to run the magical community will want to bury its head in the sand and deny the return of the dark wizard by attacking my best friend in slander campaigns. That year will end with the death of my friends beloved god father and second last of the true marauders in a battle at the ministry itself in which I will take part and be gravely injured protecting the rights of first generation witches everywhere.

"This will be shortly after I lead a teacher into a dangerous forest in an attempt to off the bitch. Sixth year will see my friend and I torn apart through our own stupidity, and most likely people spiking our food with emotional altering potions, don't worry we get back together just in time for the death of our headmaster and a takeover of the ministry by very bad people.

"Then of course I'll spend the next year gallivanting about the country side taking part in hit and run skirmishes and camping out in the wilds with my best friend and a boy we thought was our friend but will betray us. All unsupervised naturally.

"Of course we will be on an important mission to locate several more of the evil artefacts that are from the same set as the one destroyed in second year just so we can make the dark wizard mortal again so my best friend can kill him because a prophesy says he has to.

"The mission will fail and we will lose everyone we ever cared about except each other, but that doesn't really count since we'll both be terribly injured as the world is cast into a state that makes hell seem like a fun family vacation spot. During several months my friend and I will form contingency plans, still fighting the enemy every chance we get, stealing information from our foe and finally finding out that all the abuse, torment and loss my friend went through were due to the machinations of one man: our former headmaster.

"He was pulling the strings all along and the only truth we had was each other. Finally after a battle that obliterated half of America my friend and I used our contingency plan: Tempus Fugit. We were supposed to go back to the end of fourth year but it seems I miscalculated, given what I had to work with it's perfectly understandable still, this morning when I woke up and it _was_ 'this' morning I was rather put out.

"Sorry about shouting, will you please excuse, me that cartoon has just given me a devilishly wonderful idea." Hermione slipped of her chair, leaving her empty cereal bowl in the sink and scampered upstairs to find a note book and pens. Her parents stared after her doing extremely believable impressions of stunned mullets.

* * *

"So you miscalculated, there by accidentally giving us an extra five years, it's a hell of a lot better than the alternative."  
"Yes… I suppose it is."  
"Not to mention I have had the best idea concerning the dog father's kennel issue."  
"Oh, that should be entertaining at least."  
"I'll need you to help me hammer out the fine details but I've definitely got something."  
"Of course, you don't even need to ask."  
"You're not listening to a word I'm saying are you?"  
"It's called multi-tasking Harry, as a girl I'm capable of it."  
"What are you working on anyway?"

Hermione didn't answer; instead she turned her book so Harry could see her notes.

"Oh… alright."  
"You have no idea what this is, do you?"  
"Not a clue."  
"Perfect, let me enlighten you."

* * *

Harry Potter had shown up at the Granger household a week after Hermione's rather confusing confession. The elder Grangers had been out, leaving Hermione home alone, only she had not been alone when they had returned.

Hermione and a young messy haired boy were found hunched over various notebooks and papers in the den. It was the first time in living memory for the family that Hermione had had a friend over.

The young duo looked up briefly, during which time introductions were made, and then the two friends returned to what they were doing. When the Elder pair asked _what_ it was they were doing the reply was a jumble of:

'Marauding/power he knows not/ fate of the world/ sheer lunacy/ brilliant really/ difficult to calculate/ never see it coming/ Wizarding Britain needs a good kick in the rear/ have to figure out/ still needs work/ plotting…'

And several other things, which the Drs Granger didn't quite catch.

After that Harry became a regular placement in the Granger household, he and Hermione were always working, or rather, _plotting_ something. The adults felt it was best to just leave well enough alone.

"We're going to need a lot of material for this project."

"We're going to need more than just material, trust me Harry, this is a very big project… we may have to raid your vault or travel overseas."

"Fantastic, I've always wanted to leave the country for reasons _other_ than someone's trying to kill me, never really got much of a chance to enjoy 'overseas' before. In the future."

"The rune work will be tricky, and I'd like to get some extra details from Japan, we may have to ask the goblins for help forging some of this stuff but if I can get the equipment you could do most of the metal work, and help with the spelling-"

"Lilies."

"What about them?"

"Can I use Lilies instead of those pathetic excuses for shrubbery?"

"This whole thing is a prank worthy of the Marauders, I don't see why we can't slip in a homage to your mum, she is the one who defeated Riddle. The spell alterations shouldn't be too hard, yes, I think Lilies can definitely be used as a substitute.  
"Also I think we should get some of the material from Aragog and his brood, he's lived in the forbidden forest for fifty odd years, that's plenty of time for the native magic to infuse the Acromantulas.  
"Plus I'd like to get some things from the Black Lake and what do you think about Myrtle?"

"Myrtle, from the bathroom, who was killed by the basilisk, that Myrtle?"

"Mmhmm."

"As long as she stops hitting on me, it's really creepy. But what would she…"

Hermione pointed to one of the sheets of paper with a carefully drawn design on it, the word _Hogwarts_ scrawled above it, various notes down the margins.

"Can you pull it off?" Hermione raised an eyebrow at Harry.

"You ask me that after all the crazy spell work I've helped you pull off? Honestly Harry, you doubt me now?"

"You are a goddess; I worship at your feet." Hermione smirked at his response.

* * *

Harry sat cross legged on the warm grass of the Granger's back yard, Hermione sat behind him, mimicking his pose, their backs pressed together gently. The air about the duo hummed in slow contentment, their magic resonating subtly with the World around them.

Running a body on nothing but magic was dangerous, unless done in proper moderation. The technique itself was one they had developed during the war, it allowed them to repair their bodies faster and go for longer without food; the hippies of the world called it Gaian Resonance, in other words synchronizing with the earth. It also made them almost impossible to find via magical means, since their magical signatures mimicked the Earth's own wide spread magical signature.

It was of more benefit to Harry at the moment than Hermione as the Resonance would repair the damage done to his body by malnutrition, it would also undo any spells that were doing him harm, from bindings to compulsions. The increase in magical ability, the empathic link between the duo and the weakening of Riddle's fragment were just a bonus.

A very nice bonus.

* * *

Harry slumped against the side of the house of number four Privet drive. There had to be a way to get to Japan without resorting to under aged magic, or flying on a plan for far too many hours.

He was never going on a plane again, not after last time, his apparition had barely worked in time and he hated the confined feeling of it, fly should be a freeing experience.

Under aged magic of that magnitude would get them noticed, and it wasn't like Dobby was available yet… although thinking of Dobby gave Harry an idea, after all wasn't Potter an ancient and noble house like the house of Malfoy but way more awesome.

"Um… hello? Potter house elves, uh… any chance I could speak with one of you? This is Harry Potter calling." Nothing happened for a few minutes so he got back to weeding Petunia's rose bushes, yet another reason he'd wanted to use Lilies instead. "Ah well it was worth a shot and if I hadn't Hermione would have just made me try it later, I really need to stop talking to myself."

"Indeed master, it is not a good sign." Harry blink, blinked some more and turned around, and came face to face with almost a dozen house elves.

"Are you the Potter house elves?"

"Yes master, I am the head house elf."

"Nice, I'm Harry, and I need some help… uh sorry what's your name?"

"I haven't got one; I was only born shortly before your noble parents were killed, they did not have time to name me."

"Can't you just name yourself?"

"… Call me Yoyo."

"Yoyo? Nice, so it's great to meet everybody… Yoyo, aren't you a little young to be head elf?"

"Not really, it's not like I'm human; we age slowly, but mature fast."

"On behalf of humanity: oww, way to slip in that subtle dissing, I commend you. Now back to the matter at hand, I need some assistance."

"No kidding this yard is atrocious; I bet the house isn't much better." Harry raised an eyebrow at the elf who spoke.

"I'll have you know I worked rather hard keeping that house clean and this yard tidy, I live with some incredibly messy people, incredibly messy magic hating people, it hard to keep up. And the cleaning isn't what I need help with. My friend and I need to go to Japan. Any chance one or two of you could pop us over there and bring us back when we're done?"

"Is that all? I shall be happy to do that master." Yoyo said stepping forward, "Now have you got yourself a passport?"

* * *

"Alright now you have your passports?"

"Yep."

"Your translations stones, in case you've forgotten the language?"

"Check."

"A change of clothes?"

"In the bag."

"Do you need any more money?"

"Don't worry Mrs Granger I've got it covered."

"Have fun you two, and you'll be careful won't you?"

"Of course we will mum; we'll bring you back a souvenir alright."

"Alright Yoyo, we're ready." With a soft pop they two children and house elf disappeared.

* * *

When Brimsby was placed on the girl's head, he silently questioned her sanity; the things he saw in her head were so far beyond the crazy ideas of even the looniest wizards that he dismissed them as mad mental ravings.

Then he was put on the boys head, and the memories Brimsby found there only confirmed the girl's. That in mind there was only one thing to do: before he put the boy in the house of lions with the girl he whispered into his ear, a small idea, just a tiny request, the boy happily agreed and promised to confirm with the girl later on in private.

* * *

"What did the sorting hat want?" Hermione asked as Harry slid into the seat next to her, disappointing absolutely no one since they all thought he was Orion Johnson and not Harry bloody Potter whom everyone wanted to sit with. Except Snape.

"Tell you later, you're going to love it though, promise." Harry watched the spark of mad-genius light his friend's eye, curiosity and possibilities swimming through her mind. Harry went back to gazing at the ceiling while Hermione plotted and schemed, he was looking through the enchantments for perches; they already had most of their plan for Halloween hashed out, now they just needed an entry point.

He was distracted from task a little while later when the inhabitants of the hall gave a collective gasp. Harry looked to the front with everyone else, bar Hermione who was scribbling notes down in her charmed notebook. McGonagall was staring at the line of students.

"Harry Potter," she called, apparently again. Harry bit back a snicker, McGonagall and Dumbledore exchanged looks; the old man frowned and gave a gesture to indicate that the transfiguration mistress should continue with the sorting, which she did.

As Harry's gaze returned to the ceiling, he noticed Snape staring straight at him. A frown - frown number fifty-eight point three – was etched on the potions master's face. Harry, senses honed by battle, perfected by insanities greater view of the universe, knew almost exactly what was bothering the older wizard, so with a cheeky grin, Harry winked at the man and returned to his perch hunt.

* * *

At the staff table, Snape's frown changed from 58.3 – something is bothering me but I can't quite put my finger on it – to number 73: oh good lord above, why can't the powers that be just kill me already?

It had been his favoured frown for dealing with the marauders, and he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that little ruffian with Lily's eyes - and a face like Black and Lupin's love child – was Harry Potter: Marauder.

Snape was not prepared to deal with Harry Potter: Marauder, no he had only prepared for Harry Potter: The-boy-who-lived, a boy the headmaster had told him would be quiet; cowed even. Severus sighed quietly and fought the urge to put his face in his hands.

* * *

**Million dollars' worth of weaponry.**

Harry and Hermione stood back to back.

"Listen Aragog, you can either give us the silk, and we'll send you a couple of cows or we can eradicate your entire nest."

"And just how do you plan on doing that? Tiny human."

"Oi, no need to name call, and we thought we'd try this!" in perfect sync Harry and Hermione pulled out two largish cans each, one in each hand and pointed them threateningly. For a moment all was silent then, all eight of his eyes widening Aragog screamed, and his wife screamed, and his brood screamed.

* * *

At the edge of the G.A.A.N. (Giant Ass Arachnid Nest) stood several Centaurs. They had gathered at the boundary of the arachnid territory almost as soon as they heard the spiders screeching. It was a screech of pure terror; it worried the Centaurs to think there could be something that could scare Acromantulas. Especially if it was in their forest, without them knowing.

One of the Centaurs heard the sound of something moving towards them, it was a strange patter of feet. Four feet, not quite in sync. With a hand sign he alerted the others and they all prepared themselves. Bows drawn they waited, every muscle tensed.

Suddenly, two small humans appeared from the underbrush.

"Students," Firenze said stepping forward, the two humans, who were obviously Hogwarts students, stopped suddenly. "Come away from there, quickly, something terrible lurks nearby."

"How do you know that?" The small female asked curiously, eying the centaurs' still drawn bows.

"The stars probably told them," The human male replied, "then again Aragog and his lot did scream pretty loud."

"You know the Arcomantula's name?" the two humans nodded. Firenze was becoming confused very quickly, not a natural state for a centaur. "If you heard the screaming then you must know danger is near, there is little in this world that can scare a creature such as an Acromantula."

"Lucky for us we just happen to have it." The human duo drew out four cans from a bag and held them up for the centaurs to examine; luckily Firenze could read the human language well. Each can had a different word emblazoned on it: 'Pea- beau,' 'Mortein,' 'Raid,' and 'Airdevil.'

"What are these?" one of the elder centaurs asked in awe.

"Muggle Pesticides." The duo spoke in unison with identical evil smirks.

"Why?" was all the elder could get out.

"We need some Acromantula silk for a project we're working on; I don't suppose you know where we could find some mildly magical cloth dyes?"

The centaurs shared a look of utter disbelief.

* * *

On the astronomy tower a snowy owl and a half-kneezle ginger tom-cat sat, discussing some very important things.

"I do hope Mistress has remembered to take the recording device."

"Of course she has, silly bird, Mistress isn't one to forget such things."

"Of course, silly me." The owl fixed the cat with a glare that could petrify a basilisk, "Do you think we should tell them?"

"What that we remember as well? What good would it do, they love us anyway. We're still us, they're still them."

The odd duo sat together quietly until, in a melodramatic flash of fire, Fawkes appeared, perching close to Hedwig.

"Oh good lord and lady, what do you want you over-cooked turkey." Hedwig turned her glare on the phoenix. "And get away from me." Fawkes shuffled a little further away.

"Brimsby's told me about the plan, thought it sounded fun, mind if I-"

"No." came the flat reply from both owl and cat.

"Not that I'm actually all that sorry," Crookshanks started, "but both Hed' and I are the companions of those who will actually be partaking. We are… Hed, what's the word I'm after here?"

"Superior."

"We are, it's true but not the word I'm after."

"The embodied manifestation of their powers."

"I thought there was a smaller way to say that?" Hedwig shrugged, in that totally implausible way owls do. "Yes, anyway Fawkes, Hed' and I shall be the guardian manifestation of their powers. You aren't planning on ditching the wrinkly lemon man any time soon are you?"

"As soon as I figure out how to undo that damnable spell of his, it only broke last time because he died. Stupid Hephestian perch… Oi wait a minute, how come Brimsby gets to partake? He's not even a-"

"Don't make me break your wings and push you of the tower Chicken Breath." Hedwig said the power of her glare increasing. "We are not a menagerie of speciests."

The trio sat in silence for a time, Fawkes looking _very_ abashed… for all of five minutes.

"But really, how is Brimsby going to participate?"

"Has he told you the role which Master will be assuming?" Hedwig asked, Fawkes nodded. "And what does that person wear on his head?"

"But that's an entirely different sort of hat." Fawkes protested.

"Mistress is very clever and Brimsby can change if he wishes it." Crookshanks spoke up.

"Well yes but… what is he going to do, just sit there?"

"The character wears a _magical_ hat you idjit," Crookshanks growled, "It is used in several ways, it also hold various item that are too important for the _pockets_."

"I'd still like to help, I don't have to tell the wrinkly lemon anything, not that I was planning on it anyway, but surely there's something I could do to help?"

Hedwig and Crookshanks shared a look.

"We'll speak to Master and Mistress about it. No get the hell away from me you ancient, toasted pervert." Hedwig's glare made a full force return.

* * *

**Myrtle meets Moon**

Myrtle was hovering in her cubicle, thinking about death when the door opened, she heard two sets of feet walk into the bathroom, no chatting which was odd for two or more girls in a bathroom. Even odder was the fact they didn't open a cubicle, instead they headed straight for the far end of the bathroom. At the sound of a curious clattering sound Myrtle stuck her head through the door to see.

"He's not a girl!" she said startled, the duo turned to look at her, a young girl with bushy brown hair and a boy with long messy black locks stood at the end of the room with a strange device sitting on the windowsill. "These are the girl's toilets, what's he doing in here?"

"Hello Myrtle, my Name is Hermione and this is Orion, we have a proposition for you, but first we'd like to show you something, if that's alright." Myrtle slipped further through the door, suspicious.

"What do you want to show me?" She asked, cautiously floating closer to the duo. The boy, Orion, turned to the device and hit a few buttons; a screen appeared in the air above it, Hermione explaining what it was and how it was operated.

"We call it a magiplayer, it can show muggle television shows, and it should be responsive to a ghost's touch, otherwise you can operate it with voice commands. Try selecting this icon here." Hermione pointed to a crescent moon with the number one imposed over the top. Myrtle moved slowly, eyeing the two tiny students, still wary, she expected a joke. When her finger pushed through the icon the screen changed, Myrtle jerked back surprised.

"Alright that took you to season one, now just select episode one, press the play icon and enjoy the show. There should be a bar at the bottom of the screen if you want to pause, stop or rewind parts of the episode you're watching and they should just keep playing one after the other until you finish the season, stop it or head back to the menu."

Waiting for the joke part to appear Myrtle hesitantly did as she was bid, selecting the first episode and then pressing play, watching in surprise as nothing happened other than the show starting. Hermione and Orion grinned.

"Have fun and enjoy the show Myrtle, we'll be back in a few days or you can come find us in the Gryffindor tower if you like."

Myrtle nodded, too entranced in the colourful opening sequence to really care what they were saying.

* * *

Several days later Myrtle tracked the duo down.

"That show was quite interesting, what do you need my help with anyway?"

Looking around Orion's otherwise empty dorm room, the duo gestured for Myrtle to keep quite.

"Meet us in your room in five minutes." Orion mouthed; a confused look on her face Myrtle nodded and complied.

* * *

The two living students were in fact three minutes lack, and winded, when they finally arrived.

"Are we alone in here?" Hermione asked. Myrtle nodded, she had checked as soon as she had returned.

"Good. The plan is: we are going to recreate the powers of the show's main characters, with our own magical twist, and we would like you to be on our team." Myrtle gaped for a full minute and a half.

"That's not very funny," she said at last, "in case you haven't noticed, I'm dead, a ghost, non-corporeal. I couldn't if I wanted to."

"We're not joking," Orion said, "Hermione's found a way around."

"I think I can make you solid again, but only while you're using the transformation."

Myrtle looked back and forth between the two.

"If this is a joke I'll haunt you both till you die." The nodded solemnly. "Then I'm in."

"One more thing, the only cat we'll be using is Crookshanks; your familiar for this is going to be Fawkes, is that alright?" This time it was the ghost who nodded, and with a great deal more enthusiasm to boot.

* * *

**Halloween and the Troll.**

The girl in the red miniskirt was knocked into the wall and the troll raised its club to smash her when the ridiculous happened: a lily, with an impossibly long, hard, sharp stem struck the ground between the two combatants stopping the troll in its tracks. The student body towards the source of the flower and there, standing atop the back of the headmasters chair in a display of highly unlikely balance was a young man, roughly the same age as the miniskirted girl, dressed in a rather dashing tuxedo and cape combo, complete with top hat, cane and eye mask, holding yet another lily.

"Wow Gryffindor, you are really getting your arse kicked."

"Hey! Could you not be a complete berk, I'm fighting a troll here."

"oh, um… right: Believe in yourself Sailor Gryffindor and… no, sorry, can't-" the Tuxedoed man burst out laughing, somehow managing to stay on the chairs backrest. His laughter seemed to startle the troll back into action, its club smashing into the ground where Gryffindor had been mere moments earlier.

The miniskirted brunette was now standing on one of the dining tables.

"Shut up Tux! And you, troll, I am Sailor Gryffindor; for ruining this feast and my outfit," here she paused and pointed angrily at a small rip in her skirt, "in the name of magic I will punish you! Gryffindor Ember Flurry!"

Gryffindor made a complexly simple hand motion and a burst of light flew from her outstretched fingers, dividing hundreds of time as it flew towards the troll, surrounding it in a whirlwind of flying embers. The troll was now trapped and slightly singed but nothing more, stamping her foot on the table top Gryffindor cursed under her breath and fixed the man in the tuxedo with a glare which only lasted for a few seconds before being replaced with an embarrassed look.

"Uh Tux… would you mind, none of my other attacks are ready yet, stupid natural staggered release."

Still snickering 'Tux' leapt from his perch atop the chair back and seemed to glide rapidly across the grand hall straight into the flurry of embers, bringing his cane down on the troll's head with a resounding CRACK.

The embers disappeared and the man jumped clear, landing next to Sailor Gryffindor on the table. He eyed his cane closely.

"Not even a scratch," he crowed happily, the girl beside him looking a little miffed.

"Pardon me," Dumbledore's voice broke through the startled silence, "but would you mind telling us who you are and what you are doing here?"

The duo on the table shared a look and then Gryffindor stepped forward.

"Here to defend love and justice I am the Pretty Sailor Suited Senshi of magic: Sailor Gryffindor." The young woman struck a pose and flared her magical aura for proper background effect. Then the man stepped up next to her, also striking a pose and flaring his aura as he spoke.

"Protector of the Pretty Sailor Suited Senshi and soldier of love and justice I am Tuxedo Mage." Then the duo moved and spoke in sync as they changed their poses.  
"We will right wrongs and triumph over evil, and we hope that doesn't mean you." Now standing back to back in quasi heroic poses Gryffindor winked and Mage tipped his hat and they both disappeared.

* * *

In an empty class room several halls over the dynamic duo fell over from laughing so hard.

"I can't believe we just did that, Oh and did you see Dumbledore's face."

"I thought he was going to have a stroke at the sight of your skirt."

"Him and Snape both." The duo giggled for a few more minutes, then "Alright Mage let's change back and get to the feast, being a superhero is hungry work." Gryffindor said, finally understanding the reason the sailor senshi all had such obsessions with food. A brief hand gesture and a moment of focus from both super heroes and the we covered in light, a few seconds later the light faded leaving to much shorter, much younger people in the room.

From her pocket Hermione pulled a small watch like device which she strapped to her left wrist, beside her harry was doing the same thing.

"Synced?" She asked him, he nodded once, "Alright, I'll lead?" another nod, "Tempus Transit!" another swirl of light surrounded them before disappearing right along with them, only to reappear two hours earlier.

"That is so totally the most comfortable magical transport ever… of all time." Harry said enthusiastically. Hermione rolled her eyes and proceeded to drag Harry to the grand hall for dinner, they hadn't eaten since - Hermione checked her 'watch,' - now actually, their past selves were currently finishing up snacks in the kitchen and would soon be moving to the grand hall rafters to await the troll, having already set the follow me charm on Quirrel-mort for the magical beast to follow.

Beside her Harry gave a smirk knowing exactly what the crazily brilliant witch was thinking of. The duo had to stop several times to quell their laughter.

* * *

**Caught in the act**

Myrtle hovered just above and behind Hermione's, right shoulder, Orion stood closely to the bushy haired witches left, a small device held in her hand emitted a noise like whispering, the trio seemed to be focused on it intently.

Daphne began to move towards them trying to get a closer view of what was going on when Hermione folded the device in half with a strange snap. She put it… somewhere, Daphne wasn't really sure where as the device just seemed to disappear from her hand to be replaced a moment later with a red stick.

Myrtle waved her hand in a lazy manner and a moment later she held a similar pearl coloured stick, while Orion held a black and white one.

"Gryffindor power, Make up!" Hermione called waving the stick slightly, streams of fire suddenly falling around her, encompassing her entire form.

"Hogwarts power, Make up!" Myrtle was surrounded by some sort of opaque bubbles in much the same manner.

"Mage power, Make up!" Orion looked the most ridiculous of the trio, surrounded by pale coloured petals. In less than three seconds the strange coverings dissolved, first around Hermione, then Myrtle and Orion. Then things got stranger for Daphne for now, where seconds before the two students and the ghost had been were the mysterious Sailor Senshi and the dashing Tuxedo Mage.

Daphne stared and stared some more, trying to wrap her head around what she had just seen. The Slytherin students had determined, based on the Senshi's names, that the magic they used and represented was both ancient and of pureblood origin useable by only the purest and most noble of witches, so to see it used by a half-blood and pair of mudbloods, one of which was dead, tipped Daphne's world on its side.

Daphne couldn't move, couldn't think straight; how was this even possible? How could this have happened, what did it mean? Daphne noticed vaguely as the trio stood in a triangular circle, arms raised and fingertips touching, the called out what was surely a very powerful spell but Daphne was still to shocked to notice the words, and when they disappeared, disapperating straight through the Hogwarts wards without so much as a pop, she fainted.

* * *

Daphne woke in the hospital wing, Orion Johnson and Hermione Granger sitting nearby, Orion apparently dozing in his chair, Hermione, naturally, scribbling in that Muggle notebook she took everywhere.

"Oh, she's awake," Myrtle said from overhead, the ghost floating about lazily. Orion and Hermione were by Daphne's side in an instant.

"How do you feel, you fainted in the hall, do you remember?" Hermione asked in a gentle voice.

"How did I get here?" Daphne asked warily.

"I carried you," Orion explained, "Do you remember what happened? We found you in the corridor; we all got a bit worried, are you alright now?"

"I remember what happened, you three you're, I mean you're all, but how? The Senshi magical abilities are ancient magic crafted by the founders for the noblest purebloods. Why are you three laughing?"

"I am sorry Daphne but," Hermione paused to snigger, "who on Earth told you that?"

"It's common knowledge in the Slytherin common rooms." Suddenly, inexplicably Daphne felt very, very stupid.

"Daphne," Hermione put her hands over Daphne's, "The Senshi are based on a Muggle children's show from Japan. We, not the founders, created and crafted the magic."

"But you're…"

"Muggle born?" Orion supplied, raising an eyebrow.

"First years," Daphne went on, ignoring him.

"Yes, yes we are," He was smirking now, Hermione, without taking her eyes from Daphne smacking quickly on the shoulder.

"The real question is: what shall we do with her," the three living students turned to Myrtle as she floated closer, "She knows our secret; and obliviation…"

"Will only works until she sees one of us again, regardless of the uniform we have on at the time." The bushy hair witch sighed as Orion spoke, the suddenly she smiled.

"I have an idea."

"Why are you grinning at me like that?" Daphne fidgeted, wishing she was far away from the Muggle born girl.

"Slytherins are supposed to be cunning correct?" Daphne nodded, "so tell me just how cunning are you, if I'm Sailor Gryffindor and Myrtle's Sailor Hogwarts…"

"What are you getting at?" Daphne would latter claim it was the shock that made her stupid and unable to guess what the crazy Gryffindor was plotting.

"The group I based the Magic Senshi on, the Sailor Senshi, we originally designed as a group of five."

"Six if you count the character mine was based on, but strictly speaking he wasn't a Senshi." Orion added.

"So there's five senshi, plus Orion's 'character,'" Daphne spoke slowly, her mind starting to work, danger alarms sounding silently in the back of her head. "and there's a Sailor Hogwarts, which means there are three empty spots, which is the same number of houses without a Senshi."

Hermione was nodding happily, her manic grin spreading to Orion and Myrtle.

"So who will be Sailor Slytherin?" Daphne suddenly noticed something in her hand; Hermione had slipped it to her as she was figuring out just where this was all going.

"We haven't outright asked anyone yet."

"If I was Sailor Slytherin you wouldn't have to worry about me spilling your secret, because I'd be in the same boat, it would be my secret too."

"What you have to understand first is that if you do become Slytherin then there is no going back, the power will bond with you and the only way to truly quit being a senshi is to die and cross over. We don't care about blood or lineage, we protect the people who need protection and we fight for love and justice, and yes you will be required to wear a miniskirt, spout speeches and pose."

"It's asking a lot, but the alternative is an unbreakable vow," Orion added. Hermione withdrew her hands and shared a look with Orion and Myrtle. They began to leave and Hermione watched Daphne for a moment longer.

"If you are seen transforming it will break the glamour that makes you unrecognizable as anyone other than your character at the time, if you are caught then it will be blatantly obvious that Daphne and Slytherin are the same, otherwise the magic forces you to see only the Senshi OR only the student. Do you understand?" again Daphne nodded.

"We will end up fighting Voldemort when her returns, he's done something that defies all laws of nature and magic and he must be stopped. It won't be easy, being a Senshi is not all fun and games, think carefully before you decide."

"And if I choose to go ahead and become a Senshi?"

"Then hold the Heshin above your head and say: Slytherin power, Make up!"

"Heshin?" Hermione gestured to the green stick like device in Daphne's hand. While Daphne turned her gaze to the Heshin Hermione left, subtly lifting the privacy wards as she went.

* * *

**THAT OTHER THING YOU DO**

"We need a magical princess." Hermione, Harry and Daphne stopped what they were doing and looked at Myrtle, who was currently using the disguise pen to take corporeal form without being a Senshi.

"How do you figure?" Harry asked.

"Well the Senshi were defenders of the kingdom and most importantly the protectors of the moon princess, not just defenders of love and justice, so we should have a princess… not me, we need a non-Senshi princess because if we get a Senshi princess then she'll have to date Mage and we all know he's taken."

Daphne was nodding slowly, while she might not have agreed that they needed a princess at all Myrtle's arguments for a non-Senshi princess made sense.

Hermione on the other hand was flipping through her note book.

"Our princess will need a type of magic that normal magicals don't have, and a champion slash prince slash boyfriend type character. And I think I have the perfect duo, it will mean that I'll have to get some more stuff, materials and the like and it might take me a while to get the artefacts crafted for use but I have a plan." Hermione displayed the appropriate pages of her note book only to be met with blank looks.

"I guess I'd better get the show for you lot to see. Quick Yoyo! To Japan!"

* * *

Harry, Myrtle and Daphne stared at the screen as the credits rolled.

"That was awesome, I agree they are the perfect candidate characters but who gets to play them."

"Are you sure you can recreate the-" Harry slapped his hand over Daphne's mouth while Hermione answered Myrtle's question.

"I have an idea but at the moment we'll just have to wait and see how it develops." Then she turned to Daphne with a glare. "I created the Senshi you dare doubt my capabilities?" the other three raised their eyebrows in sync. "Oh shut up you lot, I'll admit her companion familiars might, _might_, pose a problem but the rest should be too hard. It's just a matter of finding the correct matrix configurations and materials."

"The real question is do we put them through the collection and test phase or just go 'here have fun with this experimental magic artefact set.'?" Harry asked dryly finally removing his hand; Daphne wiped her mouth with her sleeve.

"What about the outfit…s?" Myrtle asked, Hermione grinned.

"I was planning on using the key and sword like our Heshin, on the case of the princesses outfit though I still haven't decided whether or not to give her the whole wardrobe or not. If we go with the collection/earn it route then I could rig the Key to choose the appropriate outfit based on what's loose and active at the time, the Sword I can just put the two outfits and once the princess completes collection and the test then I can just have it trigger the final outfit for both and have them call that continuously. Then again there is the magical shift alignment to deal with…" Hermione began to pace, scribbling in her notebook once more. The other three began to worry slightly and Myrtle _almost_ began to regret mentioning getting a magical princess.

* * *

Neville was very surprised when - a week after that conversation had taken place - he received a package in the mail. His gran occasionally sent him things, like the rememberall which had caused him so much grief, but this package wasn't from his Gran. In fact he didn't know who it was from; he hadn't been paying attention to the owl that had dropped it off.

Carefully, just in case it was a prank he opened the package and a scroll fell out, he stopped opening the parcel and opened the scroll instead.

'_You have been chosen,_

_You have great potential though you hide it from even yourself, the princess will need your help.  
We give you this so you might protect her when the time comes._

_We have faith in you_.'

Neville didn't recognise the crest at the bottom though it was familiar. He frowned wondering if the post owl had delivered it to the wrong person but when he check again the parcel, and the scroll, still had his name on it.

He didn't know about any princesses and was convinced it was all a prank but when he left the Hall he took the package with him anyway, he liked the idea of being able to help someone.

Unnoticed by Neville Harry and Hermione were sharing a triumphant look while across the hall Daphne watched him from the corner of her eye with a small smirk.

* * *

Neville spent the next few days reading and re-reading the book he had been sent, it described mental exercises as well as physical ones that were supposed to help him recall things easier and keep him calm in stressful situations, he was happy to give them a go but he had a hard time finding a quiet location to practice both.

At least until Orion asked him for help with a special project.

"It's just you're really good at herbology and I could use some help with it, and I don't want to tell the teachers in case they want me to destroy it." Orion had begun to plant a flower garden full of Lilies, they reminded him of his mother, Orion had said. Neville sympathised and agreed to help.

Consequently he was led to an unused wing of the castle with an open courtyard, at least he assumed that's what it was if he was honest it looked like someone had taken out one of the walls, there was even rubble to support the theory. But the area was mostly abandoned and it had plenty of space for Neville's plans, and Neville di love gardening; in short it was perfect.

* * *

Classes continued on almost as normal except Orion and Neville started spending more time together in the Lily garden, sometime Hermione or Myrtle or – to Neville surprise – Daphne would join them.

The teacher's noticed a change in the group dynamic, but didn't comment on it; what was commented on was Neville's slowly rising grades.

* * *

It was late in the year when Hannah first heard the whispers; it was just sometimes, on and off when she was in the library with Susan studying. At least at first. Soon she would hear them if she went anywhere near the library, then anywhere in the castle and finally in her sleep. It was three weeks after she had started to hear them that she finally snapped.

Getting out of bed and sneaking around in the middle of the night was not a smart idea, and she didn't want to admit to hearing things that weren't there in fear of driving away her best friend so she left Susan sleeping.

The library was scary at night with very little light to see by, Hannah get her luminous on low to avoid detection but it threw dancing shadows everywhere as she sought through the bookshelves for the source of the noise. Finally she found it, a small read and gold book tucked away in the shelves, it looked like it had been there for years uncounted.

Carefully she pulled it from the shelves, dusting off the cover. The words 'The Clow' were printed in gold on the front, a strange cat like beast with wings was etched on one side, a sunburst decorating behind it, the other cover was blank except for an odd moon design.

Hannah noticed a latch with a small key hole keeping the book shut, she tested the lock and she was surprised when it opened easily. She was more surprised when she opened the book and discovered the pages had been hollowed out and a deck of cards had been placed inside. The young witch picked up the first card and turned it over, a picture of an odd looking woman was emblazoned on it, on the bottom of the card a ribbon was depicted with the words 'Windy' written across it. Without thinking Hannah spoke aloud.

"Windy?" Suddenly a whirl of wind whipped itself around her, the cards flying out of the book rapidly. The wind stopped as suddenly as it had begun and the cards hung suspended in the air, glowing faintly then without warning they flew of in multiple directions passing right through the shelves and ceiling leaving no mark of their passing. Hannah gulp, she had a bad feeling about this.

Then the book began to glow. Hannah dropped it and it landed splayed out, cover side up, the picture of the winged feline warping as something rose from the cover. Hannah was to scare to scream, but she let loose a whimper as the light dimmed and she could finally see the being that had come from the book it was… cute.

It watched her intently for a minute then suddenly smiled.

"Hey there I'm Keroberos but you can call me Kero. I'm the sun guardian dedicated to the protection of the Clow cards… who are you."

"Hannah."

"Hi."

"Hi… um, the Clow cards…"

"Yeah what about them?"

"Do you mean these?" Hannah held up the only card left, the Windy, for the small, yellow, and big-headed plushy to see. He nodded rapidly laughing lightly.

"Yeah that's one," the he picked up the book so the card's hollow could be seen, without looking at the book he pointed to it. "And these are the rest."

"Um…" Hannah was worried again, laughing nervously she pointed to the book, "The rest are gone."

"The rest are gone," Kero repeated laughing as well. Then he stopped, "Gone?" He looked at the book and sure enough it was empty. " AAA-" Hannah slapped one hand over his mouth.

"Shhh, I'm not supposed to be out of bed this late, you'll get us caught and then we'll be in big trouble."

Wiggling out of Hannah's grip Kero whispered acidicly, "We're already in big trouble, do you have any idea how much power is in those cards? A lot! If you don't get them back then they'll wreak all sorts of trouble and havoc and if they aren't all collected… A great tragedy will befall the world."

"A great tragedy… hey what do you mean me collect them? They're your responsibility."

"You let them loose!" The magical plushy shot back.

"But how do I collect them? Is there a spell for it?" Kero shook his head in response.

"Not the kind you mean, you'll need these." Two small glowing orbs appeared, one rising from the lock of the book the other from the cards' niche. They grew in size, the one from the lock turning into an oddly shaped key, the other into a pink pen.

"Use this pen to write your name onto the cards," Kero said and waited for Hannah to do just that with the Windy. "Now this key will transform into a sealing wand whenever you need to capture a card."

"Um… I'm not sure you have the right person for this, maybe you should ask one of the Senshi."

"No, you opened the book and released the cards, this is your responsibility." Kero looked at the worried expression on Hannah's face. "Don't worry Hannah, I'll help you out." Hannah nodded, Kero closed his eyes and glowed faintly for a moment before he looked at her with a smile.

"Well I can't sense any active cards at the moment so maybe we should go to bed and get some sleep, a good Card Captor is a well-rested Card Captor."

"Card Captor?"

"That's right Card Captor Hannah."

* * *

In the shadows of the book shelves Harry and Hermione watched, both amused and pleased with the way things turned out.

"Now how are you going to break it to her when she passes the test?"

"Meh, who knows." Grinning wildly Hermione teleported away. Harry sighed, rolled his eyes and followed behind her.

* * *

**Senshi don't fight cards or The Princess, the 'Prince' and Hufflepuff**

Sailor Hufflepuff leapt into the air slamming her Lovely Heart Shield into place in front of the falling Card Captor while the boy in oriental garb caught her in the air, controlling his fall back to the ground with a wind talisman.

Hufflepuff landed gracefully a few moments later.

"Is the Princess alright?" Her voice filled with concern, she and the Princess both knew of each other's secret identities; Susan and Hannah were closer than sisters, it was only natural. The Boy nodded.

"She's been knocked out but otherwise she's fine." Hannah chose that moment to return to the waking world.

"Owwww… Oh no the card!" she bolted upright almost hitting her rescuers in the process.

"It's alright; the card seems to be recovering for the moment. We need to come up with a plan; Watery has too much room to move in with the Black Lake right there."

"He's right," Hufflepuff agreed, "whoever he is. We have to find a way to freeze that card in its tracks."

"Freeze!" Hannah suddenly shouted.

"Uhh…" Hufflepuff and the boy shared a confused look.

"The Freeze card, I just got it two weeks ago remember that freak snow storm? That was Freeze and Snow playing about, I might be able to use them to slow down Watery, literally freeze it in its tracks."

"I'd help if I could…" Hufflepuff trailed off.

"But Senshi magic isn't overly effective against the Cards even if you had an attack that could freeze it."

"Right it just goes straight through my Ribbon Heart Chain and my shield only redirects it."

"Then that's it," Hannah and Hufflepuff looked at the boy, "Hufflepuff and I will herd it while you use Snow to slow it down then you can use Freeze and Capture it."

"Who are you?" The girls asked in unison.

"I don't actually have a super hero alias yet; in reality I'm Neville Longbottom, nice to meet you."

"Neville?" Hannah asked sharing a pleased look with Hufflepuff. "I'm Hannah Abbott."

Neville smiled brightly, and Hannah got an idea.

* * *

"Well then Miss Abbott, I suggest we get to capturing that card." Neville's words returned their attention to Watery just in time. It was summoning a giant pillar of water intent on crushing them and dragging them into the lake to drown.

The trio darted of in different directions, Neville using his sword and talisman to summon a wall of wind. Hufflepuff was conjuring her shield.

"Windy, aid my ally Neville!" with a tap of her sealing wand Windy surged forth from the card to help the boy. Nodding to herself, Hannah returned to the plan.

"Snow, Protect us from Watery's anger, slow her with your power."

Together the trio managed to get Watery away from the black lake, it chased after Hannah, Hufflepuff and Neville, with Windy and Snow's help, made sure the renegade card didn't turn back to the lake. Just as it looked like Watery had Hannah trapped a long coil of golden ribbon fell from the sky tugging the Card Captor into the air as she summoned Freeze.

"Freeze, stop Watery in her tracks." The giant ice fish swam around the other card in tight circles, the elemental card fought back, lashing out. "Windy, Snow Help Freeze." Hannah called out, her cards complying. Moments later Watery stood as an ice sculpture by the Castle wall. Hufflepuff and Hannah shared a pleased look from where they hung on the wall.

"Better hurry up and catch it," Hufflepuff said with relief.

"Better help me down first." Hannah laughed nervously as she realised just how high up she was. Below Windy helped Neville once more as he summoned a cushion of wind. With a devilish grin Hufflepuff pushed them away from the wall, releasing her ribbon and freefalling straight onto it.

Hufflepuff and Hannah sunk to the ground as Neville and windy lessened the power in the cushion, the girls giggling madly. The Gryffindor turned Card Captor ally helped the hysterical Hannah to her feet and let her get herself under control. Then the ice which held the Water card began to crack, every one snapped to attention, all signs of goofing off gone.

"Watery, card created by magic, return to the guise you were meant to be in: Watery!" a glow formed before Hannah in the shape of a card as the spell she had incanted began to work, bringing her wand down on the card the spell completed, drawing Watery in. In seconds the Rampaging card was, once more, a card. Hannah sighed in relief and pulled out her pen, signing her name quickly, just in case. As she finished she felt Watery's magic wash over her, joining her own and accepting her as master.

"Welcome to the group Watery." Hannah said to the card smiling, Windy, Freeze and Snow, realising their time was up and they were no longer needed also returned to card form, floating into Hannah's waiting hand. "Thank you every one." The Card Captor felt the joy resonating from the cards as they were reunited, putting them carefully into her card pouch.

"So Neville, you're a Card Captor too?" Hufflepuff asked suddenly.

"Ahhh… I don't think so, I think I'm just supposed to help Hannah, I mean Miss-"

"Hannah's fine." Hannah said quickly.

"O-of course," the boy replied suddenly nervous. "So how do you and Hufflepuff know each other?" The girls shared a look and started laughing again; Neville just became even more confused.

* * *

…**.**_**what**_** about the philosopher's stone?... or: What Dumbledore didn't know and Voldemort missed.**

As the school year came to a close the Senshi and Card Captors made plans to meet up at Central Control during the summer months, Neville and Hannah – plus Kero who sort of already knew – were let in on the secret origins of the Senshi and the cards, both Captors were shocked to discover their friend Orion was secretly Harry Potter.

The group dynamics had ended up a little wonky and after a full explanation by Harry and Hermione, filling the others in on things they hadn't mentioned at all – like the back from the future to prevent a war not started by skynet thing – the relationships had shifted, settled and been just fine, maybe even a little stranger than before. Included in the briefing were the things that would have happened, like Flamel's stone. It was Neville that finally asked.

"So what about the stone, is Voldemort going to get it, has he already got it… can he even get it?"

Harry and Hermione shook their heads.

"Not likely since we removed it months ago. I just replaced it with a fake that makes soda instead of Elixir and turns things temporarily into cheese. Really smelly cheese." Hermione smirked, enjoying her fantasies of what her own brilliance had wrought. Harry watched her with a look of appreciation.

"I love your brain." Hermione raised an eyebrow, glad they always attended these meetings in their older bodies, unzipped the front of her shirt slightly so the top of her talents were showing.

"Is that all?" she asked pretending to be upset.

"Well the package it comes in is pretty great too," came the reply with a cheeky grin.

"So Dumbledore doesn't even know the bait in his trap is fake?" Daphne asked getting them back to the matter at hand.

"No, he has no clue," Hermione answered, re-zipping her top.

"You two would have made such wonderful Slytherins." The green Senshi said, applauding the duo verbally.

"So that's it, no more for us to do here?" Susan asked, sounding a little disappointed.

"Well the cards might act up over the holidays but we have sensors in place and a way to notify our Card Captors if that happens, we aren't expecting any more events that need our help but then a fair chunk of the things the Senshi have taken out we don't remember happening, so either the ministry kept it quiet the first time or the PTB are giving us occasions to train."

"I think it might be best if we acted with the Card Captor motto," Myrtle said with glee.

"Expect the Unexpected!" everyone chanted together.

"Alright, unless anyone else has something they'd like to say, add, discuss, suggest, whatever… no okay, I think we're good, no more meetings scheduled for the rest of the year but feel free to share our compartment on the train, we'll be locking it down to not awesome-super-magic-hero-types." Harry said, dismissing them all.

* * *

**Shining brightly a moonchild appears OR Sailor Ravenclaw makes the scene in a rather undramatic fashion**

The Senshi and Card captors arrived in their 'club room' after the first day of classes to find it occupied by a first year Ravenclaw student.

"Hello Luna," Hermione said, unsurprised by the new arrival.

"Hello again Hermione, hello again Harry, it's so very nice to meet you again for the first time." The airy blonde smiled vaguely and held out her hand to Hermione. While the others looked on confused Harry smirked as Hermione handed the first year a blue Heshin. Luna hopped off the cabinet she had been sitting on, holding the Heshin above her head she said 'Ravenclaw Power, Make Up!'

A blue trail of mist and silver moons and feathers flurried around the young girl, fading away to reveal Sailor Ravenclaw.

"Welcome to the team Ravenclaw."

"Thank you Hermione."

* * *

I still apologise for nothing.


End file.
